Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny
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Top 10 Random Moments in History

Sometimes it's anti-Semitism, but sometimes -- like in these major historical moments -- it's just random

Yesterday, a man opened fire outside a synagogue in Copenhagen, the latest event in a wave of anti-Semitic violence in Europe. After the recent attack at a kosher market in Paris, President Barack Obama did not appear to connect the act to the Jewish nature of the customers, calling it a “bunch of violent, vicious zealots who behead people or randomly shoot a bunch of folks in a deli in Paris.”

Without further ado, here are the top 10 random moments in history:

10. Abraham Lincoln randomly releases from slavery a bunch of Southerners.

9.  Big, bad wolf randomly blows down houses of a bunch of mud-dwellers.

8.  Middle Eastern nation randomly attacked by a bunch of its neighbors after declaring independence.

7.  Western nation randomly drops nuclear bomb somewhere in the South Pacific.

6.  Jack the Ripper randomly thrusts knife in a bunch of directions outside his personal space.

5.  Former football player/movie star randomly kills a couple of people before running from police.

4.  Walter White randomly destroys a bunch of people’s lives.

3.  Egypt randomly hit by water, frogs, lice, wild animals, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and the smiting of a buttload of random males.

2.  Hannibal Lecter randomly eats a bunch of body parts that aren’t his own.

1.  President Clinton randomly puts his genitals in a bunch of places outside his pants.

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”
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