Yesterday, a man opened fire outside a synagogue in Copenhagen, the latest event in a wave of anti-Semitic violence in Europe. After the recent attack at a kosher market in Paris, President Barack Obama did not appear to connect the act to the Jewish nature of the customers, calling it a “bunch of violent, vicious zealots who behead people or randomly shoot a bunch of folks in a deli in Paris.”
Without further ado, here are the top 10 random moments in history:
10. Abraham Lincoln randomly releases from slavery a bunch of Southerners.
9. Big, bad wolf randomly blows down houses of a bunch of mud-dwellers.
8. Middle Eastern nation randomly attacked by a bunch of its neighbors after declaring independence.
7. Western nation randomly drops nuclear bomb somewhere in the South Pacific.
6. Jack the Ripper randomly thrusts knife in a bunch of directions outside his personal space.
5. Former football player/movie star randomly kills a couple of people before running from police.
4. Walter White randomly destroys a bunch of people’s lives.
3. Egypt randomly hit by water, frogs, lice, wild animals, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and the smiting of a buttload of random males.
2. Hannibal Lecter randomly eats a bunch of body parts that aren’t his own.
1. President Clinton randomly puts his genitals in a bunch of places outside his pants.