Featured Post

Triumph over the “Need to Please” In 4 Easy Steps

Whether in business or personal life, a plan can help ensure successful communication
Business meeting, circa 1984 (Photo credit: Unsplash.com)
Business meeting, circa 1984 (Photo credit: Unsplash.com)


One very big source of stress among people in domestic and professional environments is the feeling that they need to please others.

When we try to please others we are always worried about what they are thinking, as if we could read their minds. This behavior automatically puts our needs on the back burner. We become less important in our own eyes and therefore less important in other’s eyes.  Eventually people expect our accommodating disposition and they begin to take our efforts for granted and they step all over us.

It doesn’t matter whether;

  • we try to take on projects without being sure that we will have the time or the ability to complete them
  • we agree to spend time with someone even though we’re not in the mood
  • we agree to be intimate with someone who’d we rather not be with

Because any situation where you find your needs and desires being compromised, you are living against your values which tears you apart and you end up giving away your powers to someone else who doesn’t deserve it.

This behavior leaves you powerless to achieve your goals and desires.

So the first thing we must do is learn to say “NO”! YES, it’s ok to say no whenever you want to. That’s your Gd given right.

You may not have said “no” until now because you may have felt like you needed the other person’s approval or acceptance or love. But I assure you, the only love you need is the love you create in your heart when you do a kindness for someone from your ‘giving place’, just because YOU want to, not because you feel the need to please them or get their approval.

When you feel discomfort about a situation that you are about to agree to, JUST SAY NO!

  1. Don’t be shy about saying what you feel. In the end you will feel better about yourself. Alternatively, if you do give in and agree, you know from experience, that it will not work out well. The reason why is because YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THERE!
  2. Don’t drop hints. Nobody can read your mind and you can’t read anyone else’s mind, so STOP TRYING TO!
  3. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell them straight out what you want or don’t want and you will see that they will listen and they will respect you for it. If you don’t feel confident to do this, that’s ok, DO IT ANYWAY! And they will get the point and so will you.
  4. Say what you feel. Your feelings are important to you and they are important to others if you express them and STOP TRYING TO HIDE THEM!

Remember: in the beginning it may be hard for you to do these four steps but as you get more practice and gain more confidence you will feel good about yourself and you will have begun to achieve what YOU want.

You have a lot to offer this world and that’s why you can be true to yourself and respect yourself.

Once you have love and respect for yourself you will then be able to have love and respect for your neighbor.

If you doubt your ability to do these four steps, I would like you to know that I have worked with many people and I have seen them become successful in life just because they were able to give themselves importance and REGAIN THEIR POWER. That’s how I know YOU can do it too.

If you have any questions or would like to talk contact me at Gavriel@TranquilMeadows.com

Blessing and Success,


About the Author
Gavriel Tornek is a trained Strategic Interventionist who specializes in helping people work through professional and domestic stressful situation that can keep them from achieving success and productivity.
Related Topics
Related Posts