Trump Breaks Bread with Our #1 Anti-Semite and Holocaust Denier (Satire)
This article, “Trump Breaks Bread with America’s Number One Anti-Semite and Holocaust Denier—Republican Silence Is Almost Deafening,” first appeared in RollingStone.com on November 28, 2022.
As Donald Trump and Kanye West have both declared that they are candidates for the presidency in 2024, the editors of Rolling Stone thought it was an appropriate time to interview America’s number one white supremacist, Christian nationalist and political commentator Nick Fuentes. Fuentes, a rabid, twenty-four-year old, anti-Semite and a Holocaust denier holds sway over many Republicans and MAGA members, so we wanted to know, if he had decided to whom he was going to throw his support in 2024.
Fuentes was gracious enough to invite us to his home for this interview.
RS: Good morning, Mr. Fuentes. Thanks for allowing us into your cozy home and granting us this interview. With your permission, I’m recording this interview.
Fuentes: Good morning. Permission is granted; please call me Nick. You know this is like a dream come true for me. Since I was a teenager, I’ve always wanted my picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone.
RS: You know Nick, this interview doesn’t guarantee your face on the cover of our magazine. But who knows it might happen. let’s get started. You’ve just returned from Mar-a-Lago where you and Kayne West supped with former president Donald Trump. How did that dinner go?
Fuentes: Great! Really well. President Trump was a gracious host; Mar-a-Lago is quite the joint. His chefs really know how to prepare a meal. The caviar hors d’oeuvres were scrumptious. Those salty sturgeon eggs melted in my mouth. But even with our mouths half full, we had an interesting exchange of ideas. Donald was quite attentive. He told me, “Nick, I love watching your videos on YouTube. I reminded him how I marched in the torchlight parade in Charlottesville. And I even got him to chant: “The Jews Shall Not Replace Us. The Jews Shall Not Replace Us.” with me. I told him what I did during the January 6th Insurrection. And I reminded him how much we missed and needed him to march with us to the Capitol Building. He seemed to agree with me on most of the issues I presented. He was surprisingly receptive to many of my ideas on America’s Jewish problem.
RS: What is the Jewish problem in America?
Fuentes: Well, first and foremost they’re not Christians. They own our banking system, Wall Street and they control Hollywood. Need I go any further. I’ll say it again. We will not let the Jews replace us as the leaders of this Christian nation.
RS: Okay, you made your point. But our readers want to know if you think that you and Kanye were invited to dine in the Mar-a-Lago Country Club because the former president wanted to learn from two of America’s leading Jew-haters how to fight hate?
Fuentes: Nah, I don’t think that was why we were there.
RS: Well, here’s the $64,000 question: Who are you going to support in 2024? Trump or Kanye?
Fuentes: I’ve been thinking a lot about that question. I’m stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I’m floundering in a real quandary. So with my pen in hand, I did my analysis; came up with a list of eleven questions. I’ll read them to you.
- Who is the bigger anti-Semite?
- Whose wife or ex-wife has more Aryan qualities?
- Who is crazier?
- Who lies more?
- Who will hurt the Zionist state more?
- Who has read more books?
- Who had a better wardrobe, better sense of taste and fashion and knows how to rap?
- Who has a better chance of winning the election?
- Who is a better Christian?
- Who is a true billionaire?
- Who loves Hitler more?
RS: Wow! That’s a real comprehensive list of questions. I can’t wait to hear your analysis.
- Hands down Kayne. Kanye doesn’t have a Jewish daughter or Jewish grandchildren.
- Hands down Trump. Melania could have been a poster model for the Third Reich and Kim would have been sent to the camps.
- Hands down Kanye. He threw two billion dollars in the toilet by tweeting: “Death con 3 to the Jewish people” That’s nuts.
- Hands down Trump. His number of lies speak for themselves.
- Hands down Kayne. If Trump gets reelected and “Makes America Anti-Semitic Again.” Jews by the drove will flee to Israel. For the Israelis that will be his biggest accomplishment.
- Tie. It appears that neither has ever read a book. But Kanye has read the Bible.
- Hands down Kanye. Just look at his pictures on the cover of GQ.
- Hands down Trump. He has already won one in 2016.
- Hands down Kanye. He has actually read the Bible. Trump couldn’t name any of the 12 Apostles if his life counted on it. To Trump heaven would be hell and hell would be heaven. Trump wouldn’t now Jesus if Jesus kissed him on the lips.
- Tie. Since Kanye lost his two billion, neither one of them are billionaires.
- Kayne by a head. Kanye admits he is an admirer of the Nazi leader, while Donald plays neutral but keeps a copy of Mein Kampf in his nightstand
RS: Nick, that’s one helluva of a great analysis. And again, I want to thank you for your time and hospitality. I’ve got a feeling that your wish may be granted and you might see your mug on the cover of the Rolling Stone.
Feuntes: I’ll keep my fingers crossed and by the time the issue appears on the newstands, I might have made up my mind on who I am going to support.