Mort Laitner

Vindictive Bastards

I’m sitting on the sofa, staring at my Google Assistant.

I love engaging my AI bot in two-way conversation.

Over the years, my “Hey Google” seems to have adopted many of my personality traits—some good ones—some bad ones.

She tells me jokes.

She compliments me, “Thanks for asking your questions in such a nice way.”

“You’re very welcome,” I reply.

“Today,  I’ve got to ask her a tough question. What’s puzzling me?”

It hits me.

Some principal of a South Florida public high school sent an email to a parent in which he questions whether the Holocaust happened.

“Hey Google—Why would a high school principal say, “not everyone believes the Holocaust happened?”

“Mort, there are multiple reasons. How about limiting the request to the top 10 reasons.”

“Hey Google, please limit your response to the top !0 reasons.”

  1. Burnout. Being a principal is a tough job. Maybe he had a death wish and wanted to get fired.
  2. He has a sad and lonely life and he needed to create a crisis to get attention.
  3. He wanted fame or infamy. He needed to see his face on TV or on Facebook
  4. He missed political correctness day at principal school.
  5. He didn’t understand that Jews are vindictive bastards—who don’t take kindly to their families being murdered and then some clowns saying it didn’t happen.
  6. He wanted a desk job where he could read neo-Nazi websites on his free time.
  7. He wanted a fully paid for trip to Auschwitz, Poland so he could be re-educated or re-programmed.
  8. He is a stupid asshole—who thought you can say anything about the Holocaust and there would be no repercussions.
  9. He thought as a leader in his educational community that his words carried no consequences.

“Hey Google that was an okay reply. But you only gave me 9 reasons.”

“Mort, if you not fully satisfied with my answer, why don’t you just sue me.”

Sitting on the sofa, staring at my Google Assistant, I contemplate my reply knowing I don’t want to sound too vindictive.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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