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Mort Laitner

Yamakopter Tells Kanye to Drop Dead (Satire)

Artistically blurred Lensbaby shot of rubber ducks on a blue background.
Artistically blurred Lensbaby shot of rubber ducks on a blue background.

Yamakopter, manufacture of the novelty kippah with a spinning propeller ($17.49) has dissolved its contractual relationship with Kanye West.

President of Yamakopter, Richard M. Cohen, told the Post, “Kanye crossed our bright red anti-Semitic line when he tweeted interlaced images of swastikas and Jewish stars, his admiration of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis and his threat of  “Death to the Jewish people.”

Cohen, provided the Post with a copy of the termination letter sent to West:

Dear Kanye or Ye or Whatever-the-Hell-You-What-to-be-Called:

After our long and fruitful relationship, I am sorry to inform you that Yamakopter shall no longer be placing your likeness, image or name on our kippahs.

For years, our rap-loving, 13-year-old boychicks purchased our yarmulkes with you mug painted or embroidered on them to give out as bar mitzvah party favors.

Those days are now gone.

For years, the Kanye-kippah was one of our best sellers, especially the blue and white version.

Those days are now over.

For years, our Kanye skull caps made the perfect Hanukkah gift for all our hip, modern Orthodox fashionistas.

Those days are now dead.

You left us no choice because you are a Jew-hating schmuck, a shtick of dreck, and a schmenrick, who couldn’t keep your fat f—ed up mouth shut.

You’re a killa of our golden goose.

Therefore, I am left with no choice but to end our relationship and wish the following curses fall upon you:

May you find your Hitler-loving butt seated in bankruptcy court;

May you drown in Monster Lake and may eels devour your corpse;

May you be circumcised by a blind mohel;

May your hatred of  Jews burn a cancerous hole in your stomach;

May your meshugenah brain lead you to a lifetime of confinement in a mental hospital;

May your petzeleh shrink to the size of a button;

May tsuris be your constant companion as all of the above curses wreak havoc on your soul.

In closing, I am requesting one last thing of you, on behalf of my company, my family, my relatives and my people, yes the Jewish people, please DROP DEAD.

Sincerely yours,

Richard M. Cohen

CEO Yamakopter Inc.

The Post has contacted Kanye West’s spokesperson, Nick Fuentes, for a response to this article but no response has been forthcoming.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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