USA 1 Islamic Republic of Iran 0
This is thee single greatest victory in the history of the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC). Iran, with its hired fans and pro-regime goons and IRGC security guards, has been bounced from the competition. Sayonara.
It should be noted that the members of Team Melli were in an impossible position after their families were threatened with arrest and torture. They still tried to win the game, though, despite all of the pressure. In defeat, the mullahs loss the opportunity to brag about their pathetic theocracy. Bravo.
Elsewhere in Group B, the English knocked off the Welsh in the latest round of the British civil war, 3-0. As the Welsh were favored by the ZGWC, this was not a desired result. Still, it is possible that future circumstances may mandate a ZGWC seal of approval for the Three Lions.
In the final games of Group A, the Netherlands easily dispatched host Qatar, 2-nil. In the end, Qatar put in the worst World Cup performance of any host nation ever. How well deserved. Senegal and Ecuador faced off in the other game, and the Senegalese prevailed in a tense contest, 2-1. The ZGWC liked both squads, so it’s a pity that both cannot move onto the knockout rounds.
Tomorrow, the action shifts to Groups C and D. Poland is favored over Argentina by the skin of their teeth. Poland merited a slight pareve rating, and that is sufficient to push them over the Peronist-ruled Argentina. In the other Group C match, slightly pareve Mexico is favored over Saudi Arabia.
Group D features a critical match between Australia and Denmark. Both are strongly endorsed by the ZGWC, and arguments can be brought for one or the other. While it is probably easier to find a minyan for Mincha in Australia, Denmark deserves a nod here because of their current commitment to publicly criticizing FIFA and this edition of the World Cup. In the other match, the French are easily favored over a difficult squad from Tunisia.