As reported here, Hamas claims to have captured a dolphin that was spying for Israel. As always, if you’re going to live in the Middle East, it helps to have a sense of humor.

  • After capturing the Israeli spy dolphin, Hamas subjected it to ten hours of waterboarding, until realizing that he liked it.
  • After the capture of the Zionist spy dolphin, the International Red Cross has pressured the Hamas leadership into allowing the animal a phone call to Dr. Doolittle.

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ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Bring him home.

  • Following the breaking news of Hamas’s newest hostage, the National Football League is denying reports that a team has changed its name to the Miami Zionist Flipper Spies.
  • SeaWorld’s traveling water show has canceled the Zionist spy dolphin’s performance in Spain until it clarifies its position on Palestinian statehood.

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Move over, Dr. Dre.

  • Earlier today, Hamas captured an Israeli spy dolphin. After several hours of torture, the Zionist animal had only this to say: “AAAK EEEK SQUEAK!!!!”
  • 5:00 PM The Zionist spy dolphin ate a tuna.
    5:01 PM The UN condemned it for ethnic fish cleansing.
  • Hamas claims to have captured a dolphin that was spying for Israel, Army Radio reported Wednesday. Of course they did. Everyone remembers the episode where Flipper graduated from 8200. Maybe their political and military branches will kill each other arguing about whether it’s a fish or a mammal.
  • The family of the dolphin are beginning to pressure the government to act swiftly. Channel 2 reports that they have set up a solidarity aquarium outside Bibi’s residence.

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