My friend and fellow parent Rina Ne’eman has tried to understand the negotiations going on in Geneva concerning Iran’s bid for nuclear weapons. Short answer: you can’t because you are smart and rational and those negotiating for us are neither.

Here’s how it should work:

Iran [voice of small whinny child]: “But Israel has a bomb, we want one too.”

World: “No. The sanctions should have made that clear.”

Iran: “But we really, really need one”

World: “Have we answered that question already?”

Iran: “Yes, but,”

World: “And what was the answer?”

Iran: “You said no, but,”

World: “And do we look like the kind of people who change our mind if you keep asking?” [Slide displays pictures of US nuclear powered air craft carrier with lots of planes]

Iran [slightly sheepish]: “But we really need a bomb to feel good about ourselves and to eradicate those Zionists, can we have one?”

World: “That question has been asked and answered.”

Iran: “We want a bomb.”

World: “Asked and answered.”

Repeat until Iran child stops whining or the people rise up and crush the Islamic Revolution that has enslaved them since 1979.

UPDATE: It would appear that the tantrum worked and Iran will get it’s brand new XBox One with complimentary game: Global Thermonuclear Annihilation: Israel First


With thanks to this blog post about how to deal with nagging children.