Cops in same country that found Eichmann say they’re ‘like, this close’ to locating a Binary Options office in Ramat Gan

Ramat Gan Eichmann Binary Options Daily Freier

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Last Updated 3/2/2017 at 2:30 PM

Ramat Gan: The police force in the same country that somehow tracked down and captured notorious Nazi Adolph Eichmann in Argentina says that it’s “like this close” to finding and investigating its first Binary Options office in Ramat Gan, a location so remote that it takes over an hour to walk there from Tel Aviv City Hall. Binary Options, located mainly in Ramat Gan, is sort of like the Stock Market except the Brokers steal all of your money every damn time more complicated. And it’s is an industry that is so low-key and hidden from view that one company posted a recruitment advertisement on Facebook with a woman dressed as a vampire, the company’s Logo, and the slogan “Predators work at night.” The Daily Freier sat down with Police spokesperson Mickey G. to learn more about some of the unique hurdles facing the police force on this case.

I don’t know if you realize, but it’s just that in Ramat Gan we’ve been really really busy lately.” complained Mickey. When asked for an example of their workload, Mickey noted that officers recently responded to a Tel Aviv woman who suffered a panic attack after accidentally wandering into Ramat Gan. We’re really stretched thin. And Ramat Gan is far. We sent a patrol car there last week. But it was Frozen Banana Day at the Ramat Gan Zoo so they ended up spending most of the day there.

When challenged that years before the Internet existed Israel somehow found a Nazi 5,000 miles away, yet somehow the Police Force is currently doing less to combat Binary Options than a make-believe newspaper in Tel Aviv, Mickey argued back. “It’s not that easy. I mean, Ramat Gan is really really big. With lots of buildings. And people. And we have no leads. You just don’t understand. The Binary Options Industry is incredibly discreet and hard to track. And oh yeah. Last year they held a Convention in Cyprus with ice sculptures, jugglers, and a really nice open bar.

The Daily Freier thought that this was the dumbest thing we had heard all week. But then we saw that Binary Options lobbyists warned that closing down the industry would lead to more Terrorism. (SPOILER ALERT: THEY REALLY REALLY SAID THIS.)

About the Author
Aaron is the Editor in Chief of the elite team of citizen journalists at The Daily Freier, providing fact-based news to Tel Aviv and beyond since 2014. This is like satire and stuff.
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