By the Daily Freier Staff
Last Updated 6/18/2016 at 10:30 AM
Gehenna: The recent FOREX/Binary Options Expo in Cyprus was by all accounts a fun event for all attendees, but word has leaked that Cyprus was not the Industry’s first choice. Industry gossip pointed to a previously booked venue. FOREX, a niche of the Investment World where the House always seems to win, has gotten a little bad press lately. And responding to published reports, Hell acknowledged today that they cancelled a reservation previously booked by FOREX. The Daily Freier went to Hell (as has been suggested through previous reader feedback) to get the whole story.
The Prince of Darkness greeted the Daily Freier in the Hell Starbucks and explained his predicament while Hitler furiously blogged on his laptop in the adjoining booth. “So the original reservation was booked by a lower minion of the Underworld in our Hospitality Department who did not fully comprehend the implications. I mean, he saw greed, avarice, and betrayal…..which is great and all. But he missed the overlying tackiness of the Industry. And here in Hell, that’s just not who we are.”
The Dark Lord continued as Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden argued over a Backgammon game in the background. “I found out about the FOREX Booking at our Weekly Staff Meeting, [Of COURSE Hell has Staff Meetings- the Editor] I was like ‘Whoah! No Can Do!’ I mean, normally, we would honor the Contract. Hey, a deal is a deal. But our legal team found a loophole. It appears that by not accurately representing where they worked out of, it was a breach of contract. And when they called back and insisted that they operated out of London and not Ramat Gan I had to laugh. I mean HELLO!!! You’re dealing with the Lord of the Flies here. A little respect please.”
As Yasser Arafat and his bodyguards prepared to leave for their weekend camping trip in the forest, the Prince of Darkness explained just why FOREX was a bad fit with his Corporate Identity. “So after we cancelled the reservation, the FOREX guys came down here to try to re-book the Dante Room on-site. So I met them personally and said ‘Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste…..Taste, as in not being low-rent and vulgar.’ Then I told them we have a reputation to uphold and that any association between the Plane of Eternal Torment and the FOREX/Binary Operations industry would negatively affect our brand image. They tried to argue the point on technicalities and quibbles. I must admit they are very persistent salespeople. But in the end I told them to have some courtesy, sympathy and taste and then I simply washed my hands of the whole affair.”
As the Daily Freier got up to leave, the Prince of Darkness said “Pleased to meet you!”