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(AFP PHOTO / LOUAI BESHARA)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 12/20/2015 at 9:30 PM

Tel Aviv, HaKirya:  The Israel Defense Force conducted a contentious press conference today, where its spokesperson refused to comment on the empty bag of Bamba snack food and crumpled COFIX Coffee cup found in bushes 50 meters from the site where Samir Kuntar and other Hezbollah-affiliated operatives were fixed up on a blind date with some virgins_killed by missiles early this morning.  “The IDF has no comment on these so-called snack foods found at the scene of today’s events.” stated IDF spokesperson Dov L.  When pressed on the topic by a reporter for the Associated Press, Dov responded;  “So what. That could have been from any country.  Bamba is a tasty and addictive snack popular in many countries, not just Israel, but also……OK I’m drawing a blank.  But everybody loves the stuff…..I’m starving……wait….you wouldn’t have any Bamba on you right now would you?”

At this point a Reuters correspondent asked for clarification on the crumpled COFIX cup found at the scene.  “So what? ” retorted Dov. “COFIX is an inexpensive and delicious alternative to coffee shops.   It’s available in lots of places, not just Israel.  Like…..Yeah….I got nothing.”

When a New York Times reporter asked Dov about a man with a laser designator device spotted fleeing the scene of the attack by riding an electric bicycle on a sidewalk, Dov responded. “Hey! Did anyone else catch Jerry Seinfeld Live at the Nokia last night?”