The rain is pouring down. The talk of drought is close to nil.
The only dry spell that exists right now is my own.
Don’t take this the wrong way. I am not deprived. I am well enriched and nourished and don’t lack care or pampering in any way.
It’s just that ever since an emotionally exhausting break up last month, I haven’t been in the mood to officially date. Truthfully, it is rare that I find myself in a position where i am not dating at least one man at any one time. And truthfully, I know that if right now I wanted to (which I don’t), I could date.
The whole dating thing is not what is leaving me dry and parched.
It’s the ex and break up thing that is just the pits.
I just saw someone last week whom I had dated and it took me an hour and a half to finally remember his name. He was the one who I mentioned in a past post that broke up with me because I am too enthusiastic (Another failed attempt at monogamy) Israelis just can’t handle enthusiasm or open communication in a relationship. If you say to a man, “I really like you.” His response will be, “I need to get home because the soccer game is starting in half an hour.”
I really wish that I could reverse the order of the dating process. I want to be able to say to a man, “I really like you, can we break up?” If only I knew what someone was like when you break up with them or they you. When you are dating, both parties, obviously, are on their best behavior. How do I find out what they are like when they are no longer interested?
The curse of the ex is a curse that spans far and wide.
There are the exes who stalk you until you die…or they kill you, God Forbid. I have resorted to directing one of my ex’s messages directly to my spam folder because even though he was the one who broke off with me, and he was rude and mean in the process, he continues to write to me asking me to go away with him for a weekend or to marry him. You know, just those little, standard, run-of-the-mill text messages.
Then there are the exes who become friends. I know that I have some amazing friends today who happen to have also dated me at one time or another. The only problem is that sometimes the friend thing blows up in your face. One ex whom I had moved into the “friend” category seems to have decided that this designation isn’t working for him considering that this week he asked me to marry him since he just can’t go on like this, as my friend.
There are the exes who you can’t stop thinking about even though you know that they have gotten over you almost as quickly as they drove away. Sometimes the ones you dream about and surmise scenarios of “what if’s” and “imagine”.
There are the exes who you never really had closure with. The ones who just cut off contact and never explained why.
And finally, there is the rage of the ex. That ex that can infuriate you to the point of kicking the couch leg and killing your toe. They know just what buttons to push to upset you and they have no problem pushing away for no good reason (in my opinion) except to upset you.
Besides the curse of the ex, there is also life that gets in the way of my desire. Life, work, kids, training for the half marathon, friends, housekeeping and family. I give myself credit, because despite all of these things, I have always found time for a partner and yet right now the desire is lacking.
It’s raining men, and I am staying indoors.