A senior defense official warned Monday that while there was no imminent danger of zombie hordes overrunning Israel and gorging on millions of delicious Jewish brains, the military’s latest assessments showed that the threat of an eventual zombie apocalypse should not be taken lightly.
“The situation is quiet; we don’t assume we’re headed toward an all-out zombie pandemic,” said the official, who provided his assessment on condition of anonymity due to the highly classified intelligence material on which it was based.
“However, there are small things that can trigger larger events,” he continued. “The instability can develop and erupt into many apocalyptic scenarios, including zombies tunneling into Israeli kindergartens, and swarms of the undead landing flying saucers at Ben Gurion Airport and shambling through the duty-free shops, munching on innocent customers.
“That would not bode well for the economy,” he quipped.
The official’s comments came as Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Finance Minister Yair Lapid (Yesh Atid) sparred over the 2015 national budget, with Netanyahu asserting Sunday that, in the wake of the summer’s 50-day conflict with Hamas, “We need a significant increase of several billion in the defense budget.”
In his remarks Monday, the defense official made no mention of the budgetary battle, only alluding to it obliquely in the context of the larger zombie threat.
“Look,” he said, “the apocalypse is a very real scenario. According to our assessment, Israeli cities are teeming with zombie sleeper cells that could become active at the drop of a hat. I mean, over five hundred thousand citizens voted for Yesh Atid last year. It’s scary.”
Raphael Ahren and Marissa Newman contributed to this report.