10 People You’ll Meet in Your Bomb Shelter

Here are the 10 People You’ll Meet in Your Bomb Shelter:

1. The Miluimnik on a Break
Still in uniform, still sweating, still radiating “I’ve seen things.” He ducks into the shelter with a half-eaten laffa, a cigarette behind one ear, a bottle of Goldstar, and WhatsApp groups pinging non-stop. Somehow, he’s calm. Somehow, he has WiFi. Somehow, he knows exactly what’s happening everywhere. You feel safer just being near him. He also knows a guy who can fix your car.

2. The Woman Yelling at Her Mother on the Phone
She burst in mid-siren, holding her sandals in one hand and screaming while holding her toddler in desperate need of a diaper change in the other:
“IMA, I TOLD YOU TO GET INTO THE SHELTER. NO, NOW. STOP FEEDING THE CAT AND GO!”
You don’t know her, but you know her.
At some point, she offers you Bissli.

3. The Start-Up Guy Who Will Definitely Monetize This
Already sketching an app idea called “BoomSafe” that matches you with your ideal shelter buddies.
Has three phones, a laptop, and a protein bar.
Says things like, “What if sirens, but social?”
He also tried to network with the Iron Dome once.Practical

4. The Savta with the Tupperware
Didn’t flinch at the siren. Brought rugelach. Maybe schnitzel. Also hot soup – kubbe, obv — which she poured into actual bowls from her giant bag.
“You’re too skinny. Eat.”
You comply. You are now part of her extended family. She’s going to set you up with one of her children / grandchildren depending on your age.  You will be invited to Seder. You will go.

5. Tomer from Tinder and his Dog
He spotted her the moment she walked in — sweaty, breathless, radiant in her war-time glow.
“You ok?” he asks, tender hand lightly brushing her elbow. “You looked scared.”
Offers her a sip of his water. Offers her his number. Offers her healing.
He’s here to help. He has emotions. And abs. And a guitar. Probably.

6. The Dude Who Definitely Heard the Boom

Every five seconds, he’s like:
“Did you hear that? That one was close.”
Keeps sticking his head out the door like he’s got a death wish or a podcast.
Suddenly an expert in acoustics and ballistics.
“That was Iron Dome. No wait—direct hit. No wait—I think that was a door slamming.”

7. The Oleh Chadash with Fire in His Veins
Made aliyah from Brooklyn three weeks ago on purpose.
“This is exactly why I came,” he says, eyes blazing like Ben-Gurion in a baseball hat.
He’s already posted three rants about Jewish destiny on Twitter (fine, X) and volunteers to take out the trash and check for shrapnel.
Keeps humming “Am Yisrael Chai” under his breath. Definitely wants to go halfsies on an iHerb order. Says Bibi is his boy.

8. The Guy Livestreaming to His Followers
He’s on Instagram Live. Ring light plugged into a portable battery.
“Hey guys! Day 12 in the bomb shelter, Tel Aviv vibes still strong! Don’t forget to like and donate to my coffee fund.”
Will definitely sell merch after this is over. Already is.

9. The Philosopher with the Tiny Chair
He’s always there first, sitting calmly in the one adult-sized plastic chair.
Quotes Kierkegaard and Yehuda Amichai mid-siren.
Wants to know how you feel about the absurdity of life.
May offer you a date (the fruit, not the invitation). May also be homeless. Or a professor. Possibly both.

10. The Kid Who Knows Exactly When It’s Safe
He’s got his headphones  on. Eyes rolling. Texting six people while scrolling TikTok and explaining the Home Front Command app to everyone else.
“It’s a false alarm in Tel Aviv. But there was a real one in Sderot.”
This kid is still in elementary school, has trauma baked in, and will one day run this country. Probably better than the current government.