A bit more strength

“Listen,” said Or, the female IDF Battalion Commander we met a couple of weeks ago. She was confronting a troubled soldier who’d recently gone AWOL and was never reachable when he went home for Shabbat.” That story’s not going to work with me. In this room, you’re going to tell me what’s really happening. I’ve seen it all. I’ve fished soldiers out of trash cans in the middle of the night. So if you want me to calm down, tell me the truth.” He looks at me and suddenly starts crying. Then after a good hug, I say to him, “Okay. Tell me what’s really going on.” He looks up at me and says, “Commander, I don’t have a home. I live in the street.”

She responded, “I’m a mother, and I’m not going to let you sleep in the street because you’re my kid too.” And he just broke down in tears. They got him an apartment, vouchers, and benefits. Ever since that emotionally raw confrontation, he comes by weekly to sit in her office. 

Truth telling is hard to come by in this week’s portion of Torah. Jacob spends 20 years making his family in Laban’s land. Every interaction features deception. Jacob’s wages, wives, and eventual departure are all steeped in suspicion. Why so much mistrust? Perhaps to teach the consequences for Jacob’s deception of his father and brother last week. Tempers and accusations flare and things get quite heated before it’s safe for Jacob and his family to return. Our daily evening services reference Jacob’s finding a way to take on mightier forces, “God redeemed Jacob from stronger adversaries” (Jer. 31:11). Sometimes we just need a bit more strength.  

Why do we often prefer reading about people who are brutally honest and vulnerable to people who’ve got it all figured out? Because when we hear them speak candidly, we get to say, “Hey that’s me. That’s how I’ve been feeling. So maybe I’m not crazy.” This too provides you a subtle inflow of strength. 

Just as Commander Or finds confronting self-doubt to be something that pushes her forward, may we find with those rare and raw confrontations with others and with our own inner-battles, new strengths. Even when they enter your life subtly, they remain friends for good.