A Brief Respite

The news from this week has been beyond devastating. I decided for this weeks blog post to share a funny chapter from my book, to uplift. Perhaps we could all use a brief respite from the continuing turmoil.   I hope to bring a chuckle and a hug.  Xo Sharron

Dr. A

I always thought that a Jewish prince would be my perfect match…and I had met the perfect Jewish prince- so what if he was my new therapist for one week.

      I had to let my old life coach, Feather, go- I know. It’s hard to believe as we had become so incredibly co-dependent (sigh) but she was raising her rates to $500.00 an hour and…well…I was pretty much convinced that I could find hourly companionship for cheaper.

     I actually found Dr. Ariel before she and I parted ways, so, truth be told, it wasn’t all that painful, especially since Dr Ariel was six feet tall with dark curly hair and green eyes.  Sweet, gorgeous  Ariel Zimmerman…   I know the ‘rules’ explicitly say we can’t date our therapists, but my rule is to keep as many gorgeous men as possible in one’s life to remind us of our desirability (especially for those of us with sleezeball husbands), and I’ve always believed rules are for breaking!

      I found Dr. Ariel through this woman I met at a Shabbat dinner I attended.  I had decided, perhaps I could find a more faithful husband if he were of the same faith!  I couldn’t help overhear Golda telling her girlfriends about her “gorgeous Jewish therapist/orthodox/ dark- haired, tall and very spiritual.  Apparently he meditates rather than medicates.  I managed to join their conversation and put forth the best acting job-who knew, I am a talented thespian!  I started to tell them about how my husband, who was a rabbi-Chaim- died, after twenty-five years of blissful marriage and that he left me with seven children, who are all Baruch Hashem, thank god, (I rememberered a little Hebrew) visiting my in-laws in New York and that I could use someone to share my tsuris(aggravation) with.  I totally turned on the waterworks at this point.  Perhaps I should rethink my career choice?

   Well, at the end of the evening I actually had five names and numbers of therapists secured in my pocket, one of which was  the hunky Ariel Zimmerman.  I was also invited for Friday night dinners by all five of these women and we exchanged e-mails as well, though I, of course, did not give them my real e-mail address as every word that spewed from my mouth was a lie.  Perhaps there were tiny dribbles of truth.  I think the end of any marriage is like a death and I probably cried from relief that I have only one very beautiful and talented daughter.

       I called Dr. Ariel the next day and was able to book an appointment for that day!  Talk about energies lining up perfectly.  I just knew we would be a perfect fit and I was not disappointed!

       Dr. Ariel was definitely a Jewish princess’s prince!  On our first visit he led me on this amazing vision quest meditation. 

   We begin ohming together and I have to say it feels way more satisfying than ohming alongside my departed Wayne Dyer on youtube.(RIP sweet Wayne…you never knew how much I loved you…)  There’s just something to be said about sharing this experience with a real live person.  Dr Ariel then asked me to focus on my ‘third eye’ and to be honest, while I have heard of this third eye thing before, I have absolutely no eye-dea where the damn thing is.  I’m thinking it would be nice if it were on the back of my head because then I would be able to finally hone my parallel parking skills. I see myself in my car backing into the tightest space with the greatest of ease because I have twenty-twenty vision in my new eye.  Suddenly this ‘third eye’ took on the shape of a volcanic zit on my forehead.  I had a teensy blemish there in the morning-it seemed to be on the verge of eruption.   As our meditation continued, Mount zit-suvius seemed to grow and grow and grow, maybe because I told a complete lie to these woman who so kindly recommended Dr. Ariel.  Perhaps he wanted me to focus on it so that it might explode and then clear up…soon I forgot about the eye and found myself on a biblical journey…

     I am on a camel with Joseph (who of course looks just like Dr. Ariel) in his multi-coloured cloak traveling in the dessert. (Oops Freudian slip) We are moving forward, slowly, but surely.  I am afraid that if I look back I will turn to stone, even though this is from a totally different biblical tale.  I somehow understand that I have to keep my focus moving forward and release the past.  Such a profound revelation…

    Suddenly my vision changes again.  I fantasize that I am an orthodox Jew married to Rabbi/Dr Ariel.  I can feel my head covered with a long dark wig and the weight of a long dark skirts covering my white running shoes.  (Does Prada even make white running shoes?)I start to sweat as I can’t make sense of my outfit.  I’ve never worn a long skirt with white sneakers…

     My vision quest continued.  What is happening to me? Suddenly I envision all religions joining as one, I mean after all, we are all the connected right?  It comes to me in a jolt! Out of nowhere I start screaming “ChristiJewBu- fondu!!!”    

   This was the moment Dr Ariel stopped our meditation. 

        It took me a few moments to grasp a hold of reality and I was, in fact, quite relieved to find my feet still comfortably fitted into my Prada Pumps, albeit not this seasons.   I was officially ecstatic to be in a platonic relationship with Dr. Ariel.

     Sadly, romance never came into fruition for Dr. A and myself. In fact the meditations became weirder and weirder.  During our final session I began having an anxiety attack after 40 minutes of ‘meditation’.  I kept sneaking peeks to see if he was still there.  Somehow I suspected the perhaps medication might actually serve me better.  My Dr. A fantasy sadly became another crazy reality.