Mark Baranov

A Flame That Never Goes Out

Pain from void. (courtesy, AI)
Pain from void. (courtesy, AI)

The weight of emotional distance is a burden that’s hard to describe, yet impossible to ignore. There’s a unique kind of pain that comes from knowing that the same blood runs through our veins, yet miles of emotional terrain separate us. It’s not a gap that can be measured in physical space, but rather a chasm that deepens with every silent moment. This post is an exploration of that emotional divide, an attempt to put words to a form of heartache that is often left unspoken.

The terrain of estrangement is filled with hills and valleys, ebbs and flows that are as unpredictable as they are intense. There are moments of profound sadness, punctuated by fleeting memories that dance in and out of the conscious mind like ethereal wraiths. And then there are moments of acceptance, brief respites where the heart comes to terms with the reality of the divide, only for it to be shattered again by a simple trigger—a photo, a familiar song, or an old message.

But it’s not just the melancholy that takes a toll; it’s also the absence of joy, the lack of shared triumphs and milestones that make up the tapestry of family life. Imagine a room filled with laughter, only you’re observing it through a soundproof glass, unable to partake in the joy, a spectator in your own life. That’s the solitude of emotional distance, a solitude that’s both self-imposed and enforced by circumstances beyond one’s control.

Living with emotional estrangement is akin to navigating a labyrinth with no clear exit. You’re not lost, but you’re not quite found either. It’s a state of limbo that colors every aspect of daily life. From the mundane routines to significant life events, the feeling is like an undercurrent, subtle yet constant.

Some days, the emotional weight feels manageable, almost as if time has woven its healing threads around the heart. But then there are days when the weight feels unbearable, pulling you down into a spiral of what-ifs and if-onlys. Despite the oscillations, one thing remains clear: the yearning for reconciliation, for a bridge to span the emotional chasm, never truly fades.

In this solitude, there’s also a form of reflection, an internal conversation that keeps looping back to a simple, yet complicated question: How did we get here? While there are no simple answers, the quest for understanding never stops, and neither does the hope for emotional proximity, even if it seems like a distant dream.

The emotional landscape of estrangement is as complex as it is heartbreaking, a terrain that many navigate in silence. Writing about it serves dual purposes: it offers a form of catharsis and brings awareness to an issue often shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding.

If you find yourself on similar emotional terrain, know that you are not alone. The chasms that sometimes open up between us and those we love are daunting but not insurmountable. The first step toward reconciliation often begins with acknowledging the emotional distance, even if only to ourselves.

Life is a series of intricate dances, some filled with joy and others tinged with sorrow. Steps can be retraced, and new paths can be forged. The hope for reconciliation, however distant it may seem, is a flame that never goes out, a dream that waits patiently for the dawn of a new day.

About the Author
Mark Baranov, that’s me, openly share my thoughts, feelings and stories as well as commentary on society, relationships and the world around me All thoughts are real and are subject to frequent re-assessment and introspection. All feelings are genuine and raw. All stories are fictional in a real way. All observations come from a place of love even if my language fails to communicate it. This is a blog written by me and for me, but I have published it so that others can either have a voyeuristic delight or something which I have written may resonate and inspire others to think, outside their holding pattern. GOD has granted us this life, to live, to connect and to empower others to do so. So open a post to laugh at my incompetence in prose and just maybe you’ll continue reading because we are not that different.
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