A Fly on the Wall—Kayne Visits Skechers (Satire)

Manhattan Beach, California

Skechers’ Corporate Headquarters

October 26, 2022

Secretary: Sir, Kayne West is in our outer office. He wants to see you. I told him that you do not take meetings with uninvited visitors. But he is insisting on seeing you. He’s acting kind of weird, like a man who has lost a whole bunch of money.

Skechers’ Executive: Okay, allow him to come in. But alert Security to be outside my door, in case they have to escort him out of the building.

Kayne: Thanks for seeing me. Since Addis dumped me, I’ve lost a billion dollars. What do I have to do to have your sneaker company sign me? We’ll each make a billion if we team up.

Skechers’ Executive: Kayne, first off, I don’t appreciate you showing up unannounced at my doorstep. Especially when you’re in deep do do because you ‘re spouting off anti-Semitic stuff like, death con 3 to JEWISH PEOPLE.

Why don’t you drop in on Puma or Nike or Keds or Reebok or Converse?

Kayne: Just tell me what I got to do. I’ll do anything to make that kind of money again.

Skechers’ Executive: Well, here are some ideas and if you fulfill all of them, we can meet again and then we’ll talk business.

First, your press agent has to issue a public apology to the Jewish people.

And in that apology you must make the following promises:

I promise to never utter another anti-Semitic phrase again.

So help me G-d.

I promise never to say or write or Tweet the words “Death” and “JEWISH PEOPLE in the same sentence.

I promise to make a substantial contribution to the Anti-Defamation League.

I promise to make a trip to the Holy Land and while there, I’ll visit the Western Wall and I’ll wear a yarmulke and I’ll pray, and I’ll write a note and I’ll stick that note into the crevices of the Wall.

And that note shall read:

“Lord, forgive me for my sins. Starting today I shall commence the process of repairing the world I live in and not hating other religions.”

Finally, you will visit Yad Vashem, tour the memorial and upon exiting the complex nod your head and proclaim, “Never Again!”

Kayne: Wow! That’s a whole lot of promises.

Skechers’ Executive: Miss Jones, please have Security come in and escort Mr. West out of the building. Thanks.