A gantze megillah

Dear Marduk (Mordechai) and Ishtar (Esther-Hadassah).

I am writing from Susa (Shushan) the capital. You cannot believe it but there is not a single oznai-haman (hamantashen) left in the shops. The Ayatollah forbid the ones with poppy seeds. He thinks that the seeds are drugs intended for the Jews to rejoice in a frenzy and maybe, because their numbers are so numerous, they would revolt against the regime. I was able to find only three hamantashen…one apricot, one raspberry and one prune.

Life in Susa is very difficult. The Revolutionary Guards are everywhere in sight. Can’t hide from them. They are the ones eating baklava and licking their honey-stained fingers.

As I mentioned, I am in hiding ever since my drunken husband Xerxes (Ahasuerus) banished me from the palace,   and all because I refused to dance in my birthday suit at his party. Can you imagine the humiliation !

I would like to tell you the gantze megillah (the whole story) but it’s difficult to find parchment to write the scroll.

Last month, in Shevat, I was almost arrested for hanging up a poster honoring the State of Israel. I did not write the words, only copied what someone else had written, and I’m attaching a copy for both of you.  It is called “Israel #1 in the World (per Capita).”  Read it. You can be very proud of your Jewish people.

____________________________

Israel is among 8 countries in the world with ability to build and launch satellites of their own.

Israel, Russia, the USA and China are the only 4 countries to own a spy satellite.

Israel is one of the only countries with nuclear weapons together with USA, Russia, England, France, China, India and Pakistan.

The Israeli Merkava Mark 4 is considered one of the best tanks in the world.

The most protected fighting bulldozer in the world is the D9 of the IDF Combat Engineering Corps.

Israel is a member of the World Space Club which has only nine members.

The Israeli Air Force is considered one of the best in the world.

The Israeli Naval Commando ranks one of the ten best units in the world.

Israel is a world leader in unmanned aerial vehicles and is the world’s largest exporter of UAV’s.

Israel is the largest polished diamond exporter in the world. The Israel Diamond Exchange has more than 60% of the world’s turnover of the rough diamond trade center.

In Israel there are 12 Nobel laureates. Amazing in relation to the size of the population.

Ben-Gurion Airport is considered one of the safest airports in the world.

Israel is considered one of the world’s leading hi-tech and cyber centers.

Israel is one of the world’s most advanced countries in water desalination.

Israel has the world record for cotton yield per dunam (245 kg) compared to 70 kg elsewhere.

Israel’s cows are the leader in milk production. 11,653 liters compared to Europe’s 8,000 liters.

Israel is ranked 19^th out of 195 countries listed in the Human Development Index.

Israel ranks 8^th in the world in the Global Strength Index.

Israel ranked 9^th out of 163 countries in the World Health Index.

Israel ranked 2^nd place in the world in space science rankings.

Israel took 1^st place in the development of medical patents.

____________________________

So, dear Mordechai and Esther, you can now better understand why Prime Minister Haman (yemach shmo) has out-lawed all information about the “Zionist State’s” immense progress. They should really hang him and his 10 miserable sons from the highest tree in Susa.

I can’t write much more at this time. Am frightened to reveal my hiding place. Enjoy your Purim goodies.

And make lots of noise to drown out the wicked Haman’s name.

Until next Purim when we may all be free… chodafez  (shalom).

Your friend,

Ex-Queen Vashti