A Shidduch from a Song (of Songs)

The Shir HaShirim (Song of Songs) pierced through the heavens for 40 days and brought my daughter’s intended one via a pdf onto my phone.  Whatsapp channeled the divine blessings from above.

It started with a Canadian friend calling my husband in exasperation.  “Are you getting any normal suggestions for your daughter,” he asked.  

Shaul was on the long couch with duct tape and the stains from when the kids tried making slime with contact solution a few years ago.  I was on the 2 seater under the window.  I had no intention of minding my own business.

“It’s hard,” Shaul replied.  I had a lot more to say.

Soon the Rabbi on the other end of the line handed the call to his wife and I picked up on our end as well.  We shared names, thoughts, chats to join and a lot of laughs.  It was a Monday night.

The previous Friday had been tough.  I found myself chasing a shadchan (matchmaker) all afternoon.  She was one of those “queen bee” shadchans.  Don’t even try calling her if you have a daughter.  She’ll call you…. if she needs you… but she’s not taking your call.

“Sorry I’m just getting back to you,” she’ll text 6 months after you reach out,  “I have an idea for your daughter.”  She’ll send you the resume of your daughter’s friend’s brother who you already heard about.  You’ll know that the friend must have urged her parents to look into your daughter.  Then, in turn called the broker and now she’s interested in closing the deal.

“I don’t want that one,” you reply naively thinking she cares about you.   You won’t hear from her again.

But I managed to trap her.  “What do you think about him?,” I texted with the resume of someone from her hood.  “Not for your daughter,” came the reply.

First we celebrate; she replied!  How does she know my daughter, we ask the gds of the universe, we ask the heavens and the earth, we ask our friends, we peer deep into our soul and wonder; how does this veritable queen of matchmaking know my daughter?

Clearly this XY chromosome machine is not the intended one – but how does she know?  Is this the golden opportunity that I have been waiting for to share about the precious soul I have reduced in a pdf resume (which says nothing, as per strict social guidelines), a picture and blub?

I opened 5 potential resumes on my desktop and I got the queen of queens on the other end of the line.  I would ask her about each name; features, specs, measurements, delivery timeframe….  I got this.

But then the call dropped.  Shortly after she had gifted me a, “hello.”  The call dropped.  The gates to the heavens had been open and it wasn’t even Kol Nidrei…. But the call dropped.

I called back.  No answer.  I sent a text.  One word reply.  It may have been worse that she acknowledged my existence before ignoring me.  The ‘etz ratzon’ (time of supreme spiritual opportunity) had passed and I was left alone and forsaken on the banks of the Hudson river.

It was a Friday and as it goes it soon came time to light the candles and bring in Shabbos.  I lit my gorgeous 5 pronged candelabra as well as my 2 silver candlesticks with each of my family members in mind.  I waved my hands in a circular motion and covered my eyes as I praised Gd for giving me the commandment to light candles each Friday night.  I took a deep breath.  

It was a beautiful May evening and I decided to spend the next few moments as the sun was setting on my front porch.  The older kids were away from home and my husband and younger son were in Shul.  I was alone.

I sat in the warm air that sang the song of summer approaching.  I reflected on my afternoon chase.  “The shidduch (match) is ONLY going to come from Hashem”, I allowed myself to hear my soul speak.  “A shidduch does not COME from a Shadchan.  It comes from Hashem… So if the shidduch is going to come from Hashem, I need to do something to show Hashem that I recognize that,” my inner voice reasoned.

I walked inside and took a chumash Devarim (book of Deuteronomy) off the shelf because I knew it had Shir Hashirim (Song of Songs)  printed in the back.  When I was a single I said Shir Hashirim for 40 days as per the advice of a bunch of inspired 20 year-olds (in a Seminary on a mountain top in Tzfat) who said it was the only thing one had to do in order to get married.  Long story short, it worked.  This is what I decided to do.  I sat on my front porch that early summer evening and read the Song of Songs.

It was just a few days after I began reciting Shir HaShirim daily when my husband was on the duct taped couch and I took over his phone call…  I shared my thoughts and any leads I had with our friends from Canada.  

“Have you heard of….?”  Canada’s wife texted a few days later, tossing a name in my direction.  “Actually a new Shadchan  just mentioned his name but I don’t know anything about him,” I voicenoted back.   “We looked into him for our daughter and we were very impressed,” she added, explaining he wasn’t a good fit for their daughter.  

“I’ll send you his resume,” she offered.   And that is how a Song brought our daughter’s betrothed to my phone.