A Woman’s Voice from Be’eri

October 7, 2023

8:30 am

Shots.

Ours? Theirs?

Shouts in Arabic.

Theirs.

I’m holding a knife.

I take a quick look at the kids, they’re sitting watching something.

Any time now they’ll be pounding on our door too.

This is how Atar Maor begins her book that just came out “If We’ll Be” (published by “Shetayim”), a compilation of texts written spontaneously after October 7. Atar, mother of two from Kibbutz Be’eri, survived the Hamas attack after spending some twenty hours in the safe room with her two children, six and eight. Her husband, Eilam, spent most of those hours fighting the terrorists on the Kibbutz. Atar draws us into her world of great pain, love and tenderness whilst telling of the horrific situation they’ve been cast into.

I strip a shelf from the closet

Put it away. I get a small lamp and a blanket.

God I hope I won’t have to put them in there.

Please make it so I won’t have to put them in there.

Pounding on the door, I know it’s breakable.

Shouts in Arabic.

I help my kids into the closet.

A moment of silence.

I open the closet.

They’re sitting on the blanket, light on, hugging each other.

My 6 year old boy says.

“Mommy I’m proud of you.”

As the families were being evacuated from Be’eri the children were told to keep their eyes shut so as not to see all the bodies on the pathways of the Kibbutz. Some were even blindfolded by their parents. Atar writes a few monthes later of her conversation with her daughter:

“You know, mommy,

A lot of kids saw boodies when they were taken from the kibbutz”

I hope she’ll always say boodies and not bodies.

As if mispronunciation can undo reality.

As if it makes this conversation more appropriate for her age.

As if all of our kids hadn’t gone through something no one should go through, ever.

“Yes sweetie, I know.”

Of her discussion with her children as to what age it would be appropriate to tell their children of what they had been through she writes the following:

I suggest that perhaps they could ask their future boy or girl whether they’d like to hear a story about something tough that happened to them when they were kids – or not yet.

The 9 year old: “Yes, asking is a good idea, that’s what I’ll do”

The 6 year old: “Me too, but only once they’re seven”

(I’m sorry kids – that we couldn’t ask you.

Your right, it’s all unfit for kids.)

Every day we discover more cracks.

I will take us a lifetime to try and mend them.

The Be’eri community has been living for over a half a year in a hotel in the Dead Sea area and these days are moving into a hosting kibbutz in the South expecting to return to Be’eri in a couple of years after it is rebuilt.

At the Center for Women’s Justice we decided after October 7 to take a break from our regular work, promoting women’s rights in the religious courts, and to give voice to what women were doing in the war. Rachel Stomel and I put out a podcast “Voices of Women at Wartime”, (22 episodes) where we interviewed women about their experiences and contributions to the situation. In our fourth episode we told Atar Maor’s story and read extracts from her writings. That was of course long before she wrote the following words which end her book:

The hole that needs filling is so deep,

And I almost believe it when I say to them,

That kindness can heal. 

Clearly in the years to come we will be reading and hearing a lot of stories of courage of young men and women fighting heroically. We also need to listen and hear the tender voices of children and the loving voice of a mother who is determined not to lose hope and hold on to saneness in this crazy situation.

Atar Maor’s book “If We’ll Be” (in Hebrew אם נהיה) can be purchased at the main bookstores and online. It is written in Hebrew and published with an English translation.

Please follow our podcast “Voices of Women at Wartime” and hear all about what amazing women have been doing since Oct 7.