About Face: The Power of Viduy – Confession

Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva 2:2

What is teshuva? He abandons his sin and removes it from his thoughts, and resolves in his heart not to repeat it…and he regrets his past… until the One who knows secrets testifies about him that he will not return to this sin again…. And he must confess with his lips these things that he confirmed in his heart. ”

The basic components of the mitzvah of teshuva are: stop sinning (azivat ha’chet); regret sinning in the past (charata); resolve not to sin again (kabbala al he’atid); and finally to express those thoughts before G-d as viduy – confession . Although all of the above are essential to the mitzvah of teshuva, it is only with viduy that teshuva is completed. In fact some authorities are of the opinion that atonement is not achieved until we’ve expressed our teshuva in viduy (Minchas Chinuch 364)

And yet it is difficult to understand. After all, even before the stage of viduy, our resolution to change must be so strong that in the words of Rambam the “One Who Knows Secrets” i.e. G-d Himself can testify about us that we are truly changed people. But as it is already clear to G-d that our teshuva is sincere, why the need for confession? The answer clearly must be that even after we’ve completely resolved to change, and have changed in reality, something is still missing from our consciousness without viduy – confessing our sin to G-d. But what is it?

First, we must understand that although we speak of different elements of teshuva, they are not unconnected things but rather points on a continuum. Viduy is the culmination of a process, as the Rambam details: “…and he must acknowledge with his lips and say these things that he has confirmed in his heart.” Therefore the viduy itself is filled with the stages of charata and kabbala al he’atid that preceded it. A viduy peh (lit. viduy of the mouth, meaning insincere viduy) is meaningless as the words are empty of meaning and context, and worse, it is in itself a sin as we see from its inclusion in the al chait (for the sin of viduy peh).

But then what shall we say to one who did not use the ten days of repentance to their fullest? Who finds themselves on Yom Kippur with a seat in shul, but without the preliminary work of teshuva already completed before the first viduy begins? Is there a way we can use viduy as a starting point of teshuva?

In order to understand, let us take a moment to consider the original opportunity for teshuva that humankind was presented with but unfortunately did not take.

Although the primordial sin was that of Adam and Eve eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, that alone did not result in deserving the curse of exile from Gan Eden and all that followed. First G-d approached them with the opportunity to do teshuva.

They heard the sound of Hashem G-d manifesting itself in the garden toward evening; and the man and his wife hid from Hashem G-d among the trees of the garden. Hashem G-d called out to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:8-9)

Rashi comments that certainly Hashem, (being omniscient) knew where they were. He chose to begin a dialogue with Adam post-sin without an immediate punishment so that Adam could answer for his action. This gave Adam the opportunity to do teshuva of his own accord and confess. But Adam and Eve responded quite humanly from a feeling of fear and vulnerability. After all, they were deeply aware that to rebel against G-d and eat from the tree would mean death. The story continues:

He said, ‘I heard Your Voice in the garden, and I was afraid because

I am naked, so I hid.’

And He said, “Who told you that you are naked? Have you eaten of the

tree from which I commanded you not to eat?”

And the Adam said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me – she gave me

of the tree, and I ate.”

And Hashem G-d said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done!”

And the woman said, ‘The serpent persuaded me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:10-13)

There are two stages to the denial that Adam and Eve suffer on their way toward exile. One is the inability to face G-d after becoming aware of the vulnerability of their lower, exposed state of being. And secondly, they deny their freedom of choice and the consequences that result from that freedom. They choose to blame circumstances for their actions instead of assuming responsibility, and by doing so negate their ability to learn from their mistake and do teshuva.

These two stages of denial correspond to two aspects of sin. On the one hand sin is a rebellion against G-d, starting with some malfunction in our awareness of the Creator. Either we imagine that we can’t turn to Him for help to overcome our desires, or that He doesn’t know or care about what we do or (worst of all) that it just doesn’t matter.

In all of these cases, the source of sin and the damage to our spiritual awareness is within the context of our relationship to G-d. The second type of damage from sin, which results even from unintentional sin, is that as a result of our actions, our heart is desensitized to spiritual reality.

When G-d asked, “Where are you?” He was challenging Adam and Eve’s awareness of His reality in relationship to them – and all they care about. They should have thought to themselves: “Let’s see, G-d is omniscient and omnipresent… maybe hiding from Him is useless. Perhaps instead I must turn and face Him, even though I feel vulnerable.”

When G-d asked them – “Who told you that you are naked? Have you eaten from the tree…” it is a question of consequences, meaning, what has happened to you, and who is responsible for this result?

Again, Adam and Eve could have done teshuva by saying, “Chatati…I did it… I made the mistake…”

By denying G-d’s opportunity to do teshuva on both levels, they necessitated the curses and exile that followed.

When we examine the elements of teshuva as a process, we find that every aspect of teshuva before viduy could relate only within the secondary consequences of sin – not the primary – which is awareness of G-d.  But only to the secondary, how our destructive behavior damages our soul.  In other words, all the stages of teshuva before viduy are only really about ourselves, and getting ourselves into a better, healthier place.  However exactly because those aspects of teshuva are all within the mind of the one doing teshuva, there is nothing that necessitates a direct repair of one’s relationship to the Almighty Himself. We may feel bad for what we did, and resolve never to do so again, indeed, we may spend hours upon hours deeply engrossed in a fervent quest for self-improvement and living our best life, and yet never turn to G-d Himself and say I forgot You and I was wrong. Simply put, we can live a good life, but still miss the point of it all. We can forget that the source of all is G-d, who desires a living relationship with His creation.

Viduy re-establishes a relationship with G-d when through it we experience our very real vulnerability before the Almighty. When we sincerely admit our mistakes, we are forced to recognize the tenuousness of our existence, and how much we need G-d’s help in every moment.

In the words of the Maharal: (Netiv HaTeshuva 5)

Specifically with confession on his sin he destroys the yetzer (evil inclination) completely, because when he admits his sin he surrenders himself to Hashem whom he sinned against, as with any confession where one thereby surrenders himself to the one he sinned against… But without this it is possible that he will return to the sin he did, as this is human behavior…but when he acknowledges his sin and says “I sinned against G-d,” via this admission he surrenders himself to Hashem completely and removes from himself the yetzer hara completely, and connects with Him….And this is the viduy of Yom Kippur, because on Yom Kippur (G-d) accepts sinners in repentance, but this is only when one surrenders himself to Hashem saying: “I sinned against You” and with this he surrenders to Him and returns to Him, and then Hashem receives him in teshuva. 

The focus in viduy is not simply a recount of the process of teshuva. As noted, G-d is already aware of the struggles we have suffered through and the progress we have made.

Rather, in viduy we give ourselves over to G-d’s mercy, recognizing that any attempt to divorce ourselves from Him is misguided. If G-d were to deal with us with strict Justice there is no way we could hope to justify our choices. And even if we had never sinned in our entire lives, our very existence itself would still only be by the grace of G-d who chose to create us in the first place. All the more so now that we have made many choices that distance us from G-d and have damaged our souls, we feel we utterly compelled to stop the charade and throw ourselves into G-d’s merciful embrace. And when we do so, we feel G-d’s love and with overwhelming relief utterly dismiss the desires that lead us astray.

As long as we hold onto our desire to sin we must perforce defend ourselves mentally by limiting our consciousness of G-d.  A successful viduy is one wherein we stop trying to fight and deny G-d, wherein we allow ourselves to be aware that the distance between G-d and ourselves is a result of our fear of facing Him, and relinquish the foolish impulse to hide from Him so that we can continue sinning. A sincere viduy lets go of that desire and allows into our consciousness the awareness that although we don’t deserve it, G-d still loves us and wants to bless us with life.

Because viduy is the expression of all of the stages of teshuva, it is linked back to the very beginning of the process – and by that very means can bring an entire teshuva along with it. The beginning of teshuva is recognizing that our behaviour has been wrong, it has weakened our hold on the root of life. Such an awareness, like the seed of an oak tree, contains within it the potential for powerful new life.  For certain, it will most likely be a long process of actualizing that awareness to grow that tree.  Still, at its core, it is all dependant on the viability of the seed – the initial thought. A lifetime of growth and repentance starts with one thought, one awareness.

By way of a parable: Imagine a person swimming in the ocean, enjoying the feeling of moving his body through the water and paying no mind to the undertow. After some time he turns to look and realizes that he has swum dangerously far from shore.  In despair he becomes aware that he is so far out to sea that he cannot make it back to safety, and will in all likelihood drown. At that moment he prays to G-d “please save me!” with an intense awareness of his need for a miraculous intervention. Of course his prayer contains as well a deep level of regret for being so foolish as to have swum so far from shore in the first place, and certainly contains a resolution never again to repeat such a deadly mistake. As he continues to shout towards shore for help – his anxiety builds, as does his remorse. With each passing minute his plea for help intensifies.

So thank G-d, we say the viduy ten times throughout the Yom Kippur prayers.

Now to answer the initial enquiry – how can we use viduy effectively even if we weren’t very prepared beforehand?

Without viduy teshuva would be incomplete, because teshuva is more than spiritual self-improvement. Teshuva returns us to G-d, which requires us to turn ourselves around and ask G-d to re-establish a living, day to day relationship without hiding. The reality of our existence is that hiding from G-d is impossible, and the attempt is foolish and dangerous. When we acknowledge our sins and the damage they have caused, we become aware of the need to surrender to G-d’s mercy and allow ourselves to be loved by Him, even with our imperfections. Our viduy, if we put our heart into it, can achieve an “about face” (in soldier’s terms) and absolutely turn ourselves around to face G-d, and ask for His mercy, His forgiveness, His loving-kindness, and most importantly allow ourselves to be embraced by Him, in love, despite all of our failures.

This will automatically bring with it remorse over their past misdeeds and a deep desire for a new path. We should be grateful that we say viduy so many times on Yom Kippur, because with each repetition our teshuva may become more and more real, and be heard and accepted on high.

May Almighty G-d grant all of Klal Yiroel a complete forgiveness and return to us, and us before Him.

This year of our redemtion, Mon, 7 October 2024/5th of Tishrei, 5785