Anchoring Oneself in Hope: One Year 365.10.23

October has become a very challenging month for me. Although fall is my favorite season, certain events during this time prompt deep introspection and reflection. Last October marked the beginning of a new journey, guiding me through many winding paths without a clear destination. I often feel as though I’m running in an endless marathon, not with my legs, but with my heart. Each day brings its share of highs and lows, along with moments to pause and anchor myself in hope. Hope has transformed into the lifeblood that courses through my veins.

The heartbreaking events that set my journey in motion began on the grim day of October 7th.  On that day, my faith in humanity, particularly in the global community of women, was unwavering. As an American deeply connected to Israel, I believed that those taken hostage would soon be returned and that the wrongs committed would be recognized, punished, and Israel would be celebrated as it should be. My primary concern during those moments of despair was for the safety and whereabouts of my beloved friends, whom I have cherished for the past twenty-eight years. The accounts of that day’s events, the individuals who were lost, and the trauma that unfolded in the days that followed led to months of restless nights and endless tears. As the weeks went by, so did the diminishing support for the victims, for Israel, and for the hostages, all while misinformation spread like poisonous ivy. The past 365 days have undeniably been exhausting. Nonetheless, I have embraced the mantra of “turn horror into hope” with pride after having the honor of partnering with the Hostages Family Forum and fighting for the return of the remaining 101 innocent souls who remain in captivity.

I am learning through this experience that genuine love is truly a gift. To feel on this level comes with risk. Reconnecting with friends more intimately opened me up to being vulnerable and transparent. The desire and ability to connect with human beings with an open mind and heart is something I have come to admire about myself. Releasing limiting beliefs and trying to find the joy in everything is something I work on constantly. I want to feel the essence of others and help them to feel safe, loved, and heard. The war has brought about great tragedy, but it has also created deep human connections between strangers and has shone a light on the goodness that prevails in humankind. It proves what I have been preaching since my first visit to Israel in 1996, Israel is a community. Every human being means something to an Israeli. It does not matter if you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Agnostic, or Atheist, if you have a heartbeat; you are special. You are loved.

Some of the most special connections I have made this past year started as a result of volunteer chats. Identifying with others who are either running groups or victims of the war have changed my life in ways I can’t truly put into words. Despite there being 5700 miles between us, the magnetic force between telephones and souls has been transformative. Finding myself being a part of something so important and intimately impacting the lives of others is truly my life’s purpose. I have found myself in deep discussions with individuals from so many walks of life. I have found human connection through taking chances and finding myself intrigued and connecting to the person on the other side of the chat. It’s amazing how much you can learn about a person by telling really bad jokes and yet still make them smile. My rekindling of lifelong friendships and soul bonded connections have been a whirlwind of lessons, yet I have never felt as alive as I do now. Aside from the love of my children, I never imagined being able to love so immensely and in the same regard hurt so deeply. As I stated earlier, my heart is running in an endless marathon without a final destination in sight. Unless you are face to face with temperance one cannot understand how resilient you can be.

This past year has taught me that despite my unwavering quest for joy and providing love; for a mere few it isn’t always welcomed or accepted with gratitude. In fact, even when you love with your genuine soul, past wounds and limiting beliefs can impact other’s ability to see clearly and accept that love freely. My ongoing karmic lesson has profoundly shaken me to my very core. As a woman with integrity, I respect boundaries despite the days I feel myself wanting to cry out in a heart wrenching scream of despair. Nearly three decades of unconditional care without judgements came to a stalling halt. I’d be lying if I said I am not changed by this friendship. It was unprecedented and without a choice. As if everything was a figment of my imagination when in fact everything, we shared on our journey was very much mutual. Like a chameleon, I adapt to my surroundings. I offer myself wholeheartedly, supplying what is needed and wanted in each situation. My intentions are genuine; I have no hidden agendas. I don’t rely on anyone; instead, I choose you. My love for you is a conscious decision, one that radiates warmth and purity, illuminating your days even in the darkest moments. When you blend war, shared understanding, and nearly thirty years of mutual respect and trust, it’s not as simple as clicking your heels together three times and hoping to awaken as if it were all just a bad dream.

How can I maintain my joy and pursue happiness amidst the marathon of life, you ask? The answer is hope. Throughout this past year, both the wonderful moments and the disappointments have guided me down various paths, all converging at one point – hope. I often find myself dreaming of brighter days, envisioning positive outcomes arising from difficult beginnings. I reflect on my role in the healing journey, striving to be a part of the solution rather than the problem. I reflect on how I can continue to learn from my experiences and give love freely without fear. Each day, I encounter new individuals through my personal pursuits in helping to heal Israel, such as volunteering my skills to assist others or stepping up as a leader to connect with my team. Each interaction teaches me something valuable for my personal growth. On days when my heart feels depleted, I draw from the well of joy that fuels me, using that energy to revitalize the areas that need it most.

As I step into the second year of this journey, what lies ahead? I have established my goals, and even though the world has its own agenda, I persist with hope in my heart. It fuels my endurance as I continue this never-ending marathon of genuine love. Am Israel chai.

Photo Credit: Stephanie Brooke

Dog Tag: Janna Tusa