Another Kind of “Populated Area Exchange Plan”

I was running to an appointment when my phone buzzed.  It was my friend M calling me from Israel.  I answered and heard my friend’s familiar voice.

“Shalom Shalom,” I replied. “You know, I was just thinking of you. I am getting very worried about the US Presidential election.  If Trump is elected we just might make aliyah.”

M laughed and said, “You, I can understand. You always wanted to be here.  But your wife has never even been to Israel once and you’re telling me she would make aliyah?”

“Well, these are not normal times,” I replied.  “The most searched subject online here is ‘moving to Canada.’  People are really scared that Trump will win and many are contemplating leaving if he does.  We’ve been chatting with friends in Toronto and Montreal because we like it up there. However it’s not so simple. Toronto is a lot like New York, but their winters start sooner and end later.  My wife tolerates NY winters, but she really does not like the cold.”

“I know you like Montreal and you like going there for ice hockey games. I also remember that you went to the jazz festival there last summer. But isn’t it colder there too?” he asked.

“Actually Montreal is colder than Toronto,” I sighed. “Winter comes earlier and lasts longer there too.  So Canada is pretty much out.  I also have friends who relocated to Mexico, but my wife is concerned with safety there, even though she is fluent in Spanish. So that takes us to Israel, which is where I’ve wanted to be anyway, and long before Donald Trump ever decided to run for office.”

“Well, I am happy that you mentioned all of this because the reason I called was to make you a proposal,” M said.  “You know we have a balagan here. We have people resigning from the Knesset, even bigger fools taking their places and now we have a meshuge in charge of defense.”

“So,” he continued, “You’ve been to my home.  It is nice and near Tel Aviv.  You can have it.  I’ll throw in the car. I even planted a garden. All you have to do is trade me your house in New Jersey and we’ll call it even.”

About the Author
Robert L. Kern has served as Director of Marketing & Communications for several "American Friends," Zionist and Jewish organizations. He is a former President of the American Jewish Public Relations Society and a member of the Executive Committee of the American Jewish Press Association. The views and opinions expressed herein are solely those of the author.