Anti-Ashamnu (To be sung to the tune of ‘Ashamnu’)

ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ……..

Not my fault
It wasn’t me
It wasn’t so bad
He deserved it

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Everyone was doing it
It didn’t hurt anybody
Get over it already
You’re too sensitive

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It’s just the way I am
Nobody’s perfect
I had to
I needed to
I couldn’t pass it up
Think of everything really good that I do
You’re making a big deal out of nothing
It’s not nearly as bad
as what a lot of other people
get away with every day

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Just look at it from my perspective
Think of everything I’ve gone through
I never claimed to be a saint
Why won’t you
Forgive me
already?

(note: “Ashamnu” (mp3) is an alphabetical confessional prayer for Yom Kippur, in which we declare, “We are guilty, We have betrayed; We have stolen; We have spoken maliciously; etc. etc. etc.” – one declaration of guilt for every letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Singing Ashamnu repeatedly on Yom Kippur functions as a training program for us to admit our mistakes – because otherwise, most of us would reflexively respond with evasions of guilt such as those in the “anti-Ashamnu,” above, that I shared with my congregation on a previous Yom Kippur.)