Ask Avigail: How the Internet started

Dear Avigail,

I live in a very isolated area, in the desert. Communicating with local tribes are very difficult because we currently communicate by fire. For example, in the season of quiet, cool breezes, when snakes are too reluctant and comfy to emerge from their rocks. for the nocturnal hunt, barbecues are very popular, Men start the fires, signaling to other tribes (that are literate in fire), to come share a meal at around 8pm, kids are welcome, just bring a cold drink. Of course, those tribesmen who are afflicted with blindness and can only read fire with their hands…..some kind-hearted neighbor narrates for him. The main problem is that we desert nomads are prone to sudden wind storms (not the kind of wind storm resulting from Brujee Feigenbaum’s angina pills, which send confused, or no message and leaving leftovers in its wanton path. Any suggestions?

Primal Screaming Mimi

Dear Mimi,

You apparently are isolated, Mimi! According to Oral Torah, and I do not claim to know who the author of this holy treatise is, it is authentic? How do I know? For starters, my mother said so; and, too many people say it ‘s true; just look at the size of the line at the Carpo Tunnel Clinic…

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast and stride, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband. “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canest trade without ever leaving thy tent?

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uri’s Personal Shleppers (UPS).

Abraham thought long and decided that he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring kingdoms, from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly taketh to camel dung. They were called Nomadic, Enterprising, Robotic, Dilettantes, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was feverish with joy, at the new riches and the deafening sounds of drums. No one seemed to notice that the real riches were going to that one enterprising, original drum dealer, a “foreigner”, Velvel Gates* (*rumor has it, his name was shortened, so that he could pass.) As premier drum dealer, he bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed, he did insist on drums that would only work with his drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied. “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it, YAHOO Dot.Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as G-d’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything. (GOOGLE). So Mimi, get with it, time to update your lifestyle…and social life!!!

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