At end-of-life, the primacy of Jewish values and community

An individual or family calls, or walks in to see us. More likely than not, they’re immersed in one of the most emotionally charged life cycle events — a present or future death.  

Vulnerability is high and guard is low. Discomfort, uncertainty, current or anticipatory grief and more are carried.  

As long-time associates of two of the most prominent and influential not-for-profit Jewish funeral chapels in the US — Plaza Jewish Community Chapel in New York City, and Sinai Memorial Chapel Chevra Kadisha in San Francisco — we believe that the moment must be met with the knowledge and embrace of Jewish values and traditions.

Kehilla, for example, being one of those values — the notion that our Jewish community is responsible for the physical and communal needs of its members. In our end-of-life sphere, every day, we consider that sacred in theory and practice.

What does that look like in the not-for-profit Jewish chapel space? We often talk about the gestalt that our two Jewish not-for-profit chapels share and reflect, one that is not easy to describe, but that is very real. Acts of human care, kindness and compassion are elevated in purest forms when Jewish values are paramount and the profit motive is not.

As Jewish communal professionals, we are also aware of the continuing and growing challenge to identify and open gateways to Jewish life and observance. We advance the notion that our chapels can and should be as welcoming, inviting and valuable a portal as is the local JCC or synagogue.

We are recognized within the mosaic of our robust Jewish communities by intention, part of the communal infrastructure — engaging, educating and serving Jews and others within our geographic reach, and often beyond, many times through collaborations with other organizations and entities.

And this — community engaging and building and partnering — we consider as important a part of our respective missions as the individual end-of-life services that we by definition provide.

Plaza Jewish Community Chapel, for example, offers close to 50 programs throughout the year to advance literacy around Jewish end-of-life preparation, ritual and grief. Last year, Plaza was an organizer — along with two New York City synagogues and seminarians at Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion — of the first-ever Reform Chevra Kadisha in New York, which has proved to be a catalyst for community involvement and education. And, Plaza has created a partnership with the Shomer Collective through a three-year grant to amplify end-of-life conversations. 

For its part, Sinai Memorial Chapel carries on both centuries-old and more contemporary traditions and programs. For example, the tradition of Ma’ot Chitim, “wheat money” for Passover, is to assure that no one in the community is unable to celebrate a sweet and kosher Pesach. Sinai was also a pioneer in offering no-cost mourner care by trained bereavement counselors to our community, recognizing that nechama, comforting mourners, is part and parcel of the work of the Chevra Kadisha.

We are often approached by members of other communities and asked how they can establish a Jewish not-for-profit chapel in their city. We are always open to engagement and support. And in fact, we often ask ourselves why so few exist.

But we recognize that our not-for-profit Jewish chapels were born in two distinct cities and times — Sinai in 1901 and Plaza in 2001 — from a combination of necessity, regional DNA, and the foresight, commitment and passion of founders and funders who envisioned our work and place on the continuum of Jewish life and community.

As part of our sense of communal responsibility more broadly, we hope to stand as replicable models for other visionaries seeking to enhance and strengthen Jewish community into an uncertain future through our sacred, values- and tradition-driven, end-of-life work.  

(Co-authored by Stephanie Garry, Executive Vice President of Communal Partnerships at Plaza Jewish Community Chapel, and Samuel Salkin, Emeritus Executive Director, Sinai Memorial Chapel Chevra Kadisha)