Auld lang rhyme, 2015

Well, that year is over, and thank goodness too,

And I don’t just say that because I’m a Jew.

Between global warming and each ISIS assault

Let those of all faiths join in our gevalt.


Gevalt for the state of the Republican race,

Led by a lout who lacks even a trace

Of respect for the truth, and turns the debates

Into celebrity roasts of all that he hates,


Leaving his rivals, from Christie to Bush,

Trying to figure out how far to push

Back at the Donald and not lose the states

They’ll need when the Trump balloon fin’ly deflates.


Meanwhile the Democrats held their own tourney

Between Mrs. Clinton and a lefty named Bernie

Who often seemed less like a polished debater

Than the prickly old uncle who shows up at the seder.


Oy vay for the way that American Jews

Turned on each other when they had to choose

Between backing Obama’s nuclear pact

Or siding with Bibi, who thought that it lacked


The minimum needed to halt the production

Of nukes by the kooks seeking Israel’s destruction.

Let’s hope that the deal delivers the goods

Although somehow I feel we’re not out of the woods.


A slow motion uprising by auto and knife

Put every Israeli in fear for his life,

Made worse by the constant media blabber

That failed to distinguish ’tween victim and stabber.


Yet for all of the talk of a new Intifada

Thousands of olim said that they’d rather

At least give themselves a good fighting chance

By moving to Israel and forsaking France.


In two thousand fifteen we bid a farewell

To Bob Simon, Bess Myerson, Theo Bikel.

We lost Leonard Nimoy, who charmed us as Spock,

And Oliver Sacks, an illustrious doc.


Jon Stewart’s alive, but still we were low

When he quit as host of The Daily Show

Just when his targets seemed so ripe and abundant

(Or perhaps he knows satire is somehow redundant?).


The year that just passed wasn’t only a mess.

Howard Stern took a turn to lambaste BDS.

And after a spat between their two nations,

Israel and Turkey restored their relations.


#LoveWon after judges okayed same-sex marriage.

Good people fought back against those who’d disparage

The Muslims who live here and those fleeing war

(After all it was us who went through that before).


David Blatt led the Cavs against Golden State.

Catholics and Jews recalled ‘Nostra Aetate.’

And no one expected Spain’s act of contrition

When it offered atonement for the Inquisition.


The new Fiddler, said critics, was fresh and fantastic.

And a study said Hitler was monorchidastic.

(I’d define that for you, but I’d be berated:

This column, you see, is always G-rated.)


So enjoy a gut yohr, however you daven,

(I tried that in Yiddish, of which I’m no maven.

I take lessons from Trump — and here, I will show ya:)

Schlong, everyone — it’s been good to know ya!”

About the Author
Andrew Silow-Carroll (@SilowCarroll) is the editor in chief of The New York Jewish Week and senior editor of the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.