Authentic Leaders

Authentic leaders are few and far between. Most people think of authentic leaders as leaders willing to do what is right, even when it is unpopular. That is authentic leadership. However, I was talking about authentic leaders. What’s an authentic leader?

Authentic leaders are not in it for themselves; they are there exclusively for their people. It is ironic but true: Inauthentic leaders are followed by their people. Authentic leaders follow their people. They are entirely focused on their people’s needs. They don’t do or even think about their own needs. They are exclusively responsive to their people.

The Talmud tells us that Raban Gamliel wanted to appoint two brilliant students to teaching positions in his academy. Hoping to remain humble, they demurred. He explained that they were mistaken. Leadership doesn’t make you conceited, it makes you humble. In his words, “You think I appointed you to positions of mastery? I appointed you to positions of servitude” (Horayot 10b).

Covetous
Authentic leaders are never covetous of other leadership positions. They don’t view leadership as a privilege but as a responsibility. If G-d wanted them to assume that responsibility, He would have assigned it to them. That another was assigned to it tells them they have other duties to discharge.

Inauthentic leaders are often jealous of others who are appointed to leadership positions. They view these positions as privileges. They see it as a pedestal on which they can sit so others will revere them. They view it as a position that serves them, rather than the people. They see it as something assigned for them rather than something expected from them.

Korach
This brings us to Korach and his rebellion against Moses and Aaron. Korach and his band of rebels were not authentic leaders. Korach was a Levite but covetous of Aaron’s leadership position. He wanted to be the high priest.

Moses tried to pacify him. He said, “Is it not enough from you that the G-d of Israel distinguished you from the Jewish community to draw you to Him, to perform the service in the Tabernacle of G-d, and to stand before the community to serve them” (Numbers 16:9)? In other words, isn’t the leadership position of being a Levite enough for you? Why do you covet additional leadership positions?

A One-Word Lesson
Notice the anomaly. Moses doesn’t ask, “Is it not enough for you?” He asked, “Is it not enough from you?” As I type these words into Microsoft Word, my spell check rebels. “Enough from you?” It makes no sense. What does it even mean?

With this one word, Moses gave away the entire game. It is just one word, but for the Torah, one word is plenty. This was Moses’ way of rebuking Korach and highlighting the root of Korach’s enmity and jealousy. You think of leadership as something for you when it is really something expected from you.

If you had viewed being a Levite as G-d intended, “ to stand before the community to serve them,” you would not seek the high priesthood. You would see both as positions of servitude and be happy to serve in the role G-d assigned you. It is only because of your skewed view—you see only the majestic garments and the people’s reverence—that you covet the high priesthood.

Moses, therefore, concluded with, “What is Aaron, that you should complain against him” (Ibid. 16:11). Aaron isn’t conceited for having been chosen. On the contrary, he is humble. He is willing to serve wherever he is assigned. What is Aaron? When someone compliments him, he replies, “Oh, come on, what am I?” It is not about me or for me. It is something demanded from me.

From You or For You
This is the secret of all successful relationships. Relationships thrive when both parties serve each other. If teachers see their role as serving their students and students see their role as learning from the teachers, they have a successful relationship. If employers see their roles as supporting their employees and employees view their roles as working for their employers, the relationship works. The same applies to parents and children, husbands and wives, business owners and clients, etc.

Relationships always work when both sides have a stake in serving the other and tending the relationship. When one party takes the other for granted and takes more than they give, more than the other is willing to give, a disparity emerges that destroys the delicate balance. The other party feels taken advantage of and victimized. They are no longer happy.

It isn’t always noticeable initially, which is a shame. If only we would notice immediately, it would be easy to correct course and spare ourselves heartache and pain. The problem is that it is often too large and complicated to repair by the time it becomes noticeable. That is not to say there is no hope. Most relationships only enter their prime after experiencing a crisis. But it takes much effort and tending to correct and recover.

The Torah doesn’t tell us stories for the sake of entertainment. The Torah’s stories are life lessons. They teach us how to live in the most efficient way. It is the Creator’s manual for healthy, holy, productive living. With one word, the Torah provides an insight that can save relationships when they fall into crisis and prevent crises from occurring in the first place.

The secret is to begin with ourselves. Always gauge how respectful you are in your relationships. Do you take too much? Do you give too little? Do you respect the other party, whether they are older, younger, wealthier, poorer, need you, or you need them? Would you characterize your role in the relationship as one of service? Do you see yourself as a master in the relationship? Perhaps even a little bit? Does this relationship demand something from you, or is its purpose to do something for you?

When we self-examine, our relationships are healthier and more productive. When we take our relationships for granted, our relationships grow stale and eventually take much out of us.

The Rebbe
I grew up in the presence of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, whose thirty-first yahrzeit will be marked the day after we read this parshah. I prayed with him and learned from him on countless occasions. His talks and teachings were disseminated throughout the world.

After the Rebbetzin’s passing in 1988, the Rebbe opened his home to the public for the first time as he sat Shivah. The first thing you noticed was the simplicity of the house and furnishings. Here was a grand rabbi whose influence extended the world over, but whose living room floors creaked. I will never forget something I heard from a friend who witnessed this during the Shivah. He watched as a respected rabbi entered the home, looked around, and marveled, “Such a small chandelier?” He could not believe that a person with such influence lived so modestly.

To me and countless others, the Rebbe encapsulated the idea that leadership is an act of service.