Who would have ever guessed that a big green egged bus would give me therapy sessions and for the best price of 5.90nis (about 2 bucks). I literally just realized how important and unique my bus rides have been to my aliyah experience in the land of Milk and Money.
Today I woke up lost and confused and even though I refuse to blame the vodka from last night, I must admit that early week drinking can make anyone feel a little meh the morning after but that’s neither here nor there. Ok, where was I going with this story? Oh yeah,now I remember!
I put a lot of energy into my thoughts of why I made (what I consider to be) the decision of a lifetime and how me being in a new country is a stepping stool to healing and freedom. Let me tell you honey, my therapist (the bus driver) took my payment and then the magic happened (per usual). I wasn’t my chirpy self and my usual bus riders could tell. They looked disappointed that I didn’t butcher the Hebrew language this morning. I’m usally yelling boker tov to everyone within earshot or trying to put together a basic sentence to express how happy I am to be in Israel.
Today was different.
A few women tried to make conversation and I just wasn’t feeling it. I still answered them but my energy was low and I knew it. I felt that frog in my throat, you know the one that appears when life gets heavy and you are trying to stay calm and strong (we have all been there). Okay, so I get on the bus and decide to just let it out. Right there on the spot. I cried. I couldn’t help myself. I was listening to gravity by Sara Bareilles and I allowed myself to just be what I was at that very moment which was fragile. I got lost in the palm of my hand and for a small second I was the only person on the bus. I looked around and realized that I needed to just breathe. Of course my fellow bus riders were my audience because Israelis pay attention to everything. I got my first hakol beseder? Imagine that. A concerned human on the bus.
At that very moment I realized that while the bus was definitely designed to get me from א to ת (or A to Z), it is officially the place where I feel safe and for now, that’s my therapy.