My name is Rabbi Natan Alexander, I sell sex toys, and I want to talk to you about modesty. We at Better2gether deal with this issue day in and day out. You may be asking yourself, ‘How could an adult toy website deal in modesty?’ Let me explain.
To get to the root of the issue, one must first define modesty. Jewish tradition teaches that there are two different situations that require modesty in relation to one’s body. The first situation is when one is doing something perceived as lowly, such as going to the bathroom. It is here that according to Jewish law, one should cover themselves with a towel, or something else, as an extra sign of modesty. Since we do not leave G-d at the bathroom door, we must cover over that which is on a lower level.
The second situation that demands modesty is diametrically opposed to the first. This act of modesty comes as a sign of something that is special, holy, and worthy of respect. It is here that we can discuss how we view our bodies during love making with our partner.
If one believes that making love is a holy and special act for a husband and wife, then we must believe that the tools we use are holy and special as well. When something is sacred, it does not mean that it is never used; it means that it is saved strictly for a special time and place. In fact, in Hebrew the word קדוש, Holy, means just that — set aside.
This can be expressed through a parable. The crown and royal attire of a king are elevated and kept for the king to wear only at special occasions. Not only are the clothes themselves special, but they also help identify the king as the most important figure in the kingdom. When he wears them, the king sanctifies the ceremony in which they are worn. If the king were to wear his royal attire every day, they would lose their power and effect on both the king and his people as something special and unique.
This is the type of modesty that is to be demonstrated during the process of making love. If we were to walk through the marketplace naked, then what private, intimate elements would be left for us to share with our partner? But the same problem exists in the opposite extreme. If we are never willing to be naked with our partner then there’s no holiness there either. G-d intended our bodies to be used as an important tool in expressing our love for the other, to be stored away like the king’s attire, to be used at sacred times, for only special occasions. Rav Kook explains in Orot (p. 80), “We forgot that we have holy flesh, no less than holy spirits.”
Unfortunately, there are many people (not only in the ultra-Orthodox world) that treat their love lives like going to the bathroom. Some are hiding the physical and some the emotional. And still yet, some communicate just fine. All of these groups of people visit and benefit from Better2gether. Through the information provided, the ability to connect with sex therapists, and even the adult products, Better2gether helps people reach their highest level of modesty by fully sharing themselves with their partner.