Be Your Best Self- It’s Easier Than You Think
We begin every Amidah by invoking the merit of Yaakov Avinu (Jacob, our Patriarch). Yet, according to the pshat (plain read of the text) Jacob is a gonnif (thief). The conventional wisdom is that if Jacob had not stolen Esau’s blessing, the religious movement that would become Judaism would have died in the cradle. Rashi explains that Jacob demanded to be blessed by his wrestling opponent (who the commentator identifies as the guardian angel of Esau), in an attempt to clear his name. In other words, Jacob wanted the guardian angel to admit that Jacob had every right to the blessing he gained through deception, because Esau was not up to the task of continuing the legacy of Abraham and Isaac. So, if Jacob were davening with us today, instead of pounding his chest and declaring gazalnu (we have stolen), he would rationalize his actions.
However, Rashbam would not let Jacob off the hook so easily. He believes that the reason why Jacob was left alone when he encountered the angel, was because Jacob had decided to deliberately fall behind his family instead of continuing on to Canaan, in order to evade an uncomfortable confrontation with Esau. In essence, Rashbam is suggesting that Jacob was really wrestling with himself, his own desire to avoid his destiny, which was to transform from Jacob to Israel.
Throughout his whole life, Jacob had been a “wannabe” Esau. Jacob was born, clutching his elder twin’s heels, trying to unsuccessfully surpass him as the first born. His initial failure did not dissuade him from buying Esau’s birthright and stealing his blessing, the blessing of the first born. After the theft of the blessing, as Jacob was about to flee his enraged brother, his father blessed him again, this time with the knowledge he was blessing Jacob. This blessing was very different from the one Jacob had attained through deceit. The stolen blessing was one of dominion over brethren. This second blessing, which Isaac knowingly gave to Jacob, was a blessing to inherit the Promised Land, that is the blessing of Abraham.
The change of Jacob’s name from “Jacob” to “Israel” demonstrates that Jacob had finally accepted his divinely ordained mission to continue in the footsteps of Abraham and Isaac, instead of continuing to live as a “wannabe” Esau. Ya’akov, the Hebrew for Jacob, comes from the word “ekev,” meaning “heel” and is derogatory in that it evokes his failed attempt to supplant Esau. Yet, from this moment on, our third patriarch would now be known as Israel, or Yisrael in Hebrew, meaning “he who struggles with God and man and prevails.”
The name Israel (Yisrael) denotes the patriarch’s new upright status. The first three letters of Yisrael spell “yashar,” meaning “upright,” for now he would continue in the line of Abraham and Isaac who serve as God’s emissary. In fact, Yisrael contains within it the word sar, meaning “prince,” for now that he has accepted his identity, he is able to function as God’s prince. The acceptance of his role explains why when asked by Esau how he was doing, Jacob responded, “I have everything.” Nobody has everything, but shedding his identity as Jacob and embracing his true identity as “Israel”, allowed our third patriarch to finally find peace and feel as if he had everything. Pirkei Avot famously asks, “who is truly happy” and answers “he who is content with his lot.” Dale Carnegie puts it this way, most people are not happy because they don’t have enough, rather it’s because they don’t take time to enjoy what they already have. In fact, Jacob was so content with his lot, he asked Esau to take his blessing, that is the very blessing he had stolen from Esau years ago. Jacob is now prepared to perform teshuvah (repentance) by returning the blessing because he finally came to understand that he didn’t need it, he had never needed it. At long last Isaac’s younger son was content with his lot.
Yet, Jacob only found contentment with his lot after transforming himself into his best self by transitioning from Jacob to Israel. Likewise, we must push ourselves to be the best version of ourselves, which is what these Days of Awe challenge us to do. The word “teshuvah” (repentance) comes from the word “shuv” meaning to return. By performing teshuvah, we on one hand return by accepting ourselves for who we are, on the other hand repent by committing to strive to be the best version of ourselves.
We would be well advised to remember that, as we attempt to improve ourselves, we are competing against ourselves—not against others. This idea is beautifully illustrated by the famous story of Reb Zusha.
As Reb Zusha lay on his deathbed, his disciples found him weeping uncontrollably. They tried to comfort him, saying, “Reb Zusha, why are you crying? You are a righteous man. You lived like Moses and taught like the sages!”
Zusha looked at them and replied, “When I pass from this world and stand before the Heavenly Court, they will not ask me, ‘Zusha, why were you not like Moses?’ To that, I could answer, ‘I was not given the soul or leadership of Moses.’ They will not ask me, ‘Zusha, why were you not like Abraham?’ To that, I could answer, ‘I was not given Abraham’s greatness.’
“He wept even harder and said, ‘They will ask me: “Zusha, why were you not Zusha?” Why did you not fulfill your own unique potential? That is the question I am afraid to face.’” The story above reminds me of the best description of Gehenom (purgatory) that I have ever heard: Purgatory is nothing more than being forced to watch a movie of what your life could have been.
Our goal should be to live our lives in such a way that, when that movie is finally shown, it is as short as possible.
Of course, it’s easy to commit to being your best self but sometimes we get swept up in the moment and stumble. During New York City’s Knicks championship parade, a woman who served as a director of JPMorgan Chase was caught on video emptying a public trash can with a Knicks logo on the street and then stealing it. This is an example of an accomplished individual at her worst, literally getting swept up in the crowd and embarrassing herself. Her poor behavior cost the director her job. Now let’s look at an example of someone at their best. Shortly after his son was killed in combat, Yechiel Leiter was asked to serve as Israeli’s ambassador to the United States by Prime Minister Netanyahu. Leiter admitted that he nearly declined the appointment due to grief. However, Netanyahu asked Leiter what his son would want him to do. The question made Leiter realize that being his best self-meant honoring his son’s memory and the best way to achieve that was by serving the nation his son had died defending which meant accepting the appointment .
Of course, the reason why we set aside a season for teshuvah is because we are not always at our best. The reality is nobody gets it right all of the time. The world of sports provides us with great examples. Look at the 1986 Mets, who are considered to be one of the best teams of all time. Their record was 108 and 54. They were great even though they lost one out of three times. Believe it or not Roger Federer, one of the greatest tennis players of all time, only won 54 percent of the points he played. Yet, he came through in the clutch winning the vast majority of games, sets and matches he played.
The 1986 Mets, Roger Federer and Ambassador Leiter, like Jacob, remind us that our maker does not expect perfection, only that we endeavor to be the best versions of the people he made us. Like Ambassador Leiter, we honor our dearly departed loved ones by being our best selves.
Despite the fact that we genuinely yearn to be at our best, change is difficult and scary. Routines, even if unproductive, can be comforting. Therefore, therapists remind us that the best way to succeed is to become comfortable with being uncomfortable because overcoming the discomfort is what allows us to grow.
The great news is once you become accustomed to challenging yourself, it becomes easier as famed mentalist Oz Perlman points out. Perlman asks you to imagine that three feet of snow have fallen and you need to get a piece of mail that is in your mailbox at the end of your driveway. The first time you trudge through the snow, you will be exhausted and cursing yourself for not moving to Florida. However, every time you go out to the mailbox you are helping to clear the path a little more by making subsequent trips easier. Jacob’s most famous descendant, Moses serves as a great case and point. When Israel’s leader first confronted Pharoah, he was so afraid of public speaking, that he needed his big brother Aaron to serve as his spokesman. Yet, at the end of his 120 years, Moses delivered one of the most influential series of speeches of all time, the Book of Deuteronomy.
But one question remains. Why does the Torah at times still refer to the younger son of Isaac as Jacob, even after his name was changed to Israel? Rabbi Alex Israel explains that it is to remind us that change is hard. Sometimes after taking two steps forward, we may falter and take a step backwards. Yet, we must not be deterred and continue to propel ourselves forward. Because our patriarch Israel, continued forward despite his many hardships, we today, who proudly bear his name, continue to read his story, which is our story- a story of progress. Let us remember as we prepare to honor the memory of our dearly departed loved ones, that as long as we are making progress, we are moving in the right direction!