Ron Kronish

Bibi’s Trumpian report card

Crime Minister sign at protest against PM Netanyahu, May 15, 2024, wikicommons images
Crime Minister sign at protest against PM Netanyahu, May 15, 2024, wikicommons images

As we are reaching the end of the school year, I have been privy to the Report Card written by Bib’s teacher Donald Trump, who has been thinking about his embattled friend in Israel. Here are his grades and some comments from his mentor:

  • Strategy for pursuing the war against Hamas in the south: A+                                Comment: my student has done a great job, just as I would have done. I agree fully with Bibi that there is absolutely no need for any serious strategic planning for what some people call “the day after “! There was no need for any serious planning for “the day before” either! Why pay any attention to young girls who saw Hamas planning their attacks and warned about it in advance. They are just young women. I never pay any serious attention to women, let alone young women. Just ask many of them with whom I have had affairs. As far as planning for the “day after,” I think that the policy of creating total chaos in Gaza is the correct one, just what I would have done. In fact, this is exactly what I did during my presidency for four years – I created total chaos everywhere and my followers loved it. They still love it. Look at how many of them show up for my MAGA rallies to hear my stream-of-consciousness ramblings which are totally chaotic!
  • Demagoguery: A+

Comment: my student is doing it even better than I do, which is quite an achievement. He does it every day, in Hebrew and in English. He is extremely talented in this area, right up there with me, Putin, Orban and other good friends. Not only that, but he has perfected the art of lying with a straight face, or with a smirk, like I do. Take the example of his use of the term “total victory,” which he knows is impossible. It works great with his base, who like to believe these things, even though many of them also know that it is false. Or as another example, look at his recent attacks on the Biden administration for not supplying Israel with all the weapons he needs. Another great lie, but I love it! (Thank you, Bibi, and Mr. Dermer, for helping me with my re-election campaign against Mr. Biden and those wishy-washy Democrats. I always appreciate your help in this area!)

  • The Blame Game: A+.

Comment: my student excels greatly in this matter. Just like me, he is successful in blaming everyone but himself for the sorry situation in which his country finds itself since he was elected for the umpty umpth time about a year and a half ago. Why have things gone sour in his country? It’s the fault of the judges, the journalists, the academics, the leftists, the anarchists, and more lately also of the leadership of the army. He has exceeded all my expectations in the blame game and by now he is every bit as good at it as I am, maybe even better. And he has a small army of acolytes – whom the media in Israel refer to as his “poison machine” – who are doing a great job in mercilessly attacking everyone who disagrees with them and calling them all kinds of names, like traitors. I love it! It is exactly what we need more of (especially when we call for “unity”) in Israel and America and around the world!

  • Dismantling democracy: A+.

Comment: Bibi and his people were doing a great job with this with their “judicial reforms” last year (some people called it “overhaul”), despite tremendous opposition within Israel. But don’t worry, he and his ministers are still at it every day in whatever ways they can, like destroying the civil service and trying to pass many anti-democratic laws! I love it. It is the way to go. Who needs democracy anymore? It is a 19th and 20th century old-fashioned system. Bibi and I are replacing it with another old-fashioned idea called dictatorship, and our people love it! That’s why they vote for us again and again! They adore us, even worship us. I hear that some of his followers even call him King Bibi! Not even my devoted MAGA followers have done this for me yet!

  • Good government: Another A+

Comment: appointing incompetent cronies to be ministers in the government and to be directors-general of government ministries is definitely the way to go. Also, I like his area of hiring lots of unprofessional advisers, who can give him the advice that he wants to hear. I did this for 4 years, as president, and it was beautiful, at least for me (I don’t understand why so many former advisers and employees now criticize me after having had the unique opportunity to work with one of the greatest presidents in American history.) Also, I congratulate Bibi for his autocratic tendencies. Well done! Why waste time with collaborative thinking when you can do it mostly by yourself, with the help of one or two well-chosen stooges, and your family, of course. (I loved having members of my family in government with me! Bibi only does it unofficially. Maybe he should make his son Yair minister of communications, letting him do it from Miami, not far from where I live in sunny Florida.)

In general, this man has been such a great student of mine that I would recommend him highly for any job in my government if he decides to move to America (and if I retake the presidency, which of course I never really lost since it was stolen from me, as is well known.) Or, at the very least, I could get him a job as a commentator on Fox News, one of my favorite propaganda networks.

The only thing is that I wonder if he actually learned all his “shticks and tricks” from me, or he perhaps knew some of them before I got into politics. Or maybe, he read my book “The Art of the Deal,” which I doubt since he doesn’t seem to be doing well in reaching a deal with Hamas to end this current war, which of course I could have prevented with just one call to Putin or the leader of North Korea (I forgot his name) or whomever. The whole world is waiting for him to make this deal already, to bring quiet and stability back to the Middle East, but for some reason he just can’t get it done! I wonder if this has anything to do with some of his partners in his coalition government, like Ben Gvir or Smotrich. If he had asked my advice, I would have told him to let them be rabble-rousers outside of the government, like they used to be. Even I would not appoint people from the “Proud Boys” or the Ku Klux Klan to be in my government, when they do such a great job out there in civil society. He should have asked me about this but he didn’t.

At any rate, he is a really great guy, really terrific and he speaks English even better than I do. He has been a great student of mine, so far, and I am very proud of him! He’s an all-around A+ kind of a guy! A model student who clearly makes his teachers very proud.

About the Author
Rabbi Dr Ron Kronish is the Founding Director the Interreligious Coordinating Council in Israel (ICCI), which he directed for 25 years. Now retired, he is an independent educator, author, lecturer, writer, speaker, blogger and consultant. He is the editor of 5 books, including Coexistence and Reconciliation in Israel--Voices for Interreligious Dialogue (Paulist Press, 2015). His new book, The Other Peace Process: Interreligious Dialogue, a View from Jerusalem, was published by Hamilton Books, an imprint of Rowman and LIttelfield, in September 2017. He recently (September 2022) published a new book about peacebuilders in Israel and Palestine entitled Profiles in Peace: Voices of Peacebuilders in the midst of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, which is available on Amazon Books, Barnes and Noble and the Book Depository websites,
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