Blame the Jews: It’s Always Our Fault!

For a tiny country in the midst of a world rife with turmoil, little Israel sure can cause a lot of problems! ISIS is on a rampage, killing, raping, destroying and beheading; but who can actually blame them for the rage they feel? They are merely trying to restore order in a world gone topsy-turvey because those pesky little Jews in that minuscule, annoying country called Israel, refuse to disappear – or at least relocate!

Surrounded by G-d fearing Islamists simply trying to impose Sharia law on the rest of the world, Israel is really in the way! To make matters worse, not only are they not willing to relinquish this tiny country they insist is theirs, they actually have the audacity to try to build new homes on what they quite stubbornly claim is their land! In spite of the fact that it was promised them in the Bible, and in spite of the fact that their ancestors lived there according to G-d’s covenant over 2,000 years ago, in spite of the fact that they were legally given the right in 1948 to once again return to their homeland, everyone knows that this is ancient history, and that the Newly Reinvented World Order Palestinians are now the true and rightful owners of this land.

Try as they might, Hamas cannot get those shameless chickens to man-up, sign a peace treaty, surrender their land, and simply cease to exist! What part of we are trying to destroy you do they not understand? Tunnels, rockets, rock throwing, kidnappings, stabbings, bus bombings, car bombings, suicide bombers, suicide drivers, UN resolutions, Human Rights Watch condemnations, can they not take a hint? Does the world not have enough problems with ISIS trying to set up a caliphate, and Iran making great headway in advancing its nuclear weapons program, not to mention Ebola spreading throughout Africa and inching its way here?

If only Israel would accept a reasonable compromise, and give up at least half of the land it has left, everything in the world would fall into place! ISIS would quickly see the folly of its ways and take an example from Israel. It would immediately seek to make peace with its neighbors as a token of good faith. This would in turn cause Iran to realize that peace is the only answer. Iran would disband all nuclear weapons, which it was only trying to accumulate to protect itself from Israel, anyway! Who could blame them? Now it would no longer be necessary to seek Israel’s annihilation, since Israel would have already wisely and generously obliged to annihilate itself!

Even the Ebola problem would be solved, for with Israel out of the way, we would no longer have to waste time sending Kerry and other noble emissaries to the Middle East to try to reason with those intractable Israelis to give up their land. The poor Palestinian freedom fighters, led by Hamas, those brave champions of freedom, would in short order restore Israel to what is was before the Jews returned. It would once again become barren desert land (showcasing stupendous tunnels)! Look what Hamas did for Gaza, when Israel gave that up! That can be the fate of the rest of “Free Palestine” too!

With all this in place, world peace would flourish and we would be able to concentrate our efforts on curing Ebola. All this would occur if only Israel would simply sign that peace treaty! Really, is that too much to ask for the sake of peace?