Born to Be a Bubbie

Born to be a Bubbie

Cantor Deborah Katchko-Gray

www.cantordebbie.com

Instagram @cantordebbie18

#prayerfulcreations

I was born to be a Bubbie. I did not know this when I began babysitting at age 11 to make extra money, but I know it today at age 68. Today I was given the most validating and Bubbie affirming gift- a google calendar doc for the three families who request my Bubbiesitting .  Everyone can see when I’m available and who has requested dates already. I am willing to be double booked if they come to my house! This google doc will give peace of mind to the parents who are needing my Bubbiesitting for the soon to be 5 grandchildren (of 7!).

My entire professional life has been about serving others and helping others as a cantor. Before I began at age 24 in 1981, I was always working with children, beginning as a babysitter at age 11, through teaching music at the JCC Nursery School in high school, and performing with a singing group, B’not Hashir (Daughters of Song) as a teenager. I worked as a babysitter at Camp Ramah in Palmer, MA when I was 16. My Hebrew was rusty and the Israeli toddler I was watching turned to me one day and said, “You speak Hebrew like an elephant!” Oh well, it was English from then on!

As a student at Boston University, I majored in Elementary Education, thinking it would come in handy when I had my own children. I was never considering teaching as a profession, as music was my passion, and my studies with Prof. Elie Wiesel inspired me to continue in a family tradition as a fourth-generation cantor.

Motherhood began with a quick three sons in four and a quarter years, and a fourth son a few years later. While I enjoyed being a mother, even while working full time as a clergy where afternoons, evenings and weekends are work filled and the opposite of when your growing children need you…. I found lots of joy in those years. I honestly loved every stage of their lives, some challenging high school years, with lots of baking banana bread for the friends constantly over ( happy to be the “ cool” house). When my oldest son received the “ best party giver” I knew our home was a joyful magnet for the friends of my sons.  Two more sons arrived with a second marriage, adding more joy and challenges; but I finally reached six sons. I always wanted six for six million lost.

Working with children was always a joy, and I worked as a music director at several camps over the years. This came in handy when I had my own children and I could barter music services for their camp experiences. Thanks to Camp Shalom in Windsor, CT, Camp Yavneh in Northwood, NH, and Camp Laurelwood in Madison, CT, I had the joy of singing with children while my four sons enjoyed a summer at a camp.  As a cantor, I worked with children from baby namings, brit services, religious school music teaching, B’nai Mitzvah tutoring, children’s choirs, life cycle events and Tot Shabbat services. Over the 43 years as a cantor, I must have worked with thousands of children.

Today, I received the ultimate validation as a Bubbie who loves her grandchildren beyond words. I pride myself in knowing that my grandchildren can count on me to babysit, and so far in the last 13 years, only on rare occasions has anyone needed to hire a sitter. I’m always happy to help out. It is one of the greatest joys in life to see my own children’s babies grow and develop. Watching them as parents fills me with pride and love that is indescribable. The google calendar shared doc created by my incredible “bonus” daughter Kira, helps everyone coordinate dates and requests for my time. It also helps me set boundaries when I am not available.

Being a Bubbie is the culmination of a life of teaching, singing, creating and performing.  Music time? How about songs on guitar? Piano lessons? How about trying the cello? Let’s draw, color, paint!

Let’s write a song! Let’s collect flowers and leaves and make art with them!  How about learning Swedish Weaving? Decoupage shells? Let’s collect sea glass and glue it on driftwood or frames for photos! Let’s write stories! My granddaughter, age 5 just wrote two stories using my fear of mice as the central theme. The laughing and hysteria from her humorous writing is just a joy!  I’m sure “Bubbies’ Pet Mouse” will be a classic in our family.

Soon I can introduce them to tennis, pickleball, bicycling. My husband tries to teach them chess and encourages swimming and biking. One day golf lessons. We are just loving the endless possibilities of enjoying life through the lens of a child.

As much as I love and adore my grandchildren, I am absolutely enjoying my time as a “rewired/retired “person. It’s important to stay active physically, mentally, creatively and spiritually. I love my cello ensemble playing, tennis groups, pickleball, Swedish weaving commissioned work and private BM services. I recently wrote 7 new liturgical pieces with Beth Styles called, “ Sacred Sounds Reborn” , hoping to share it as a program with synagogues and cantorial schools.  Occasionally I speak on my lifetime of learning with Elie Wiesel and the power of his music as a lesson in humanity and hope. I am writing a book about my studies with him and how it inspired my journey as a pioneer woman cantor. I try to find time with friends and still love to host family holiday meals.

Our Jewish tradition has the central theme of “Dor L’Dor” generation to generation, the passing of traditions and love of Judaism to each generation. This is a profound experience for me as a fourth-generation cantor, and one who lost hundreds of family members in the Holocaust. Seeing the new generations thrive and blossom with love, laughter, music, art and joy is a reason to believe and go on.

I live an incredibly busy life as a newly “rewired” or retired cantor, and I am never bored. I don’t have time for boredom!

Just check my google doc calendar for Bubbiesitting and you’ll see why!  I was born to be a Bubbie!