Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny

Bottom 10 Reactions to Binary Options News

This morning, this site published the latest in its series of articles on Israel’s binary options industry, profiling the tragic story of a man taking his own life after losing his savings to one of these companies.

I neither work in the financial services industry nor do I know the intricacies of this field. I am told that some binary options companies are legitimate. If you represent one, then this list is not about you.

It is about the fraudulent companies which misrepresent themselves, steal, sell one service while providing another, and inflict suffering on innocent people around the world.

It’s not supposed to be funny but it did make me feel a little better. And if it helps spread the word about the victims of fraudsters, that will make me feel better too.

Here are the top 10 reactions to this horrible story. Actually, there’s nothing “top” about it. Let’s call it the bottom 10 reactions.

10. Oleh chadash (new immigrant): “You know how to become a millionaire in Israel? Invest a billion dollars in binary options.”

9. Rain Man: “This thing is definitely rigged.”

8. Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh: “Wow, those guys are serious assholes.”

7. Gordon Gekko: “Greed is good but come on……”

6. Bernie Madoff: “After stealing billions of dollars, even I knew when to abandon ship.”

5. Obi Wan Kenobi: “Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, except for in parts of the Tel Aviv bursa.”

4. Garth Brooks: “I’ve got friends in low places, but not that low.”

3. Kenny Rogers: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em….know when to fold ‘em….know when to walk away….and know when to hang up on these corrupt dickheads.”

2. Prime Minister Netanyahu: “If I condemn them, will it make the media ignore my scandals?”

1. UN: “We finally found Israelis who we hate more than the government.”

If you care about Israel, you should care about this story.

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”