BREAKING: Deep Concern Grows for Susan Sarandon, Mark Ruffalo, and Roger Waters

JERUSALEM — The Jewish community has expressed profound concern for the well-being of several outspoken celebrities who appear to have gone missing from public discourse following the recent ceasefire in Gaza and reports of Hamas terrorists slaughtering Palestinians.

According to sources, Susan Sarandon, Mark Ruffalo, and Roger Waters – all known for their courage in speaking truth to power (specifically and exclusively Jewish power) – have not been seen or heard from on social media since the ceasefire and the narrative got confusing.

Witnesses last spotted Sarandon clutching a megaphone and whispering, “Wait, this wasn’t in the script,” before disappearing into an oat milk café to avant-garde to have name.

According to insiders, Ruffalo’s publicist has placed him on a strict media cleanse after he accidentally Googled “Hamas war crimes” and had to be sedated with artisanal kombucha. He is said to be in stable but confused condition, mumbling, “But… we were the good guys,” into a reusable bamboo straw. As A Jew, Hannah Einbender has offered a prayer for a full and speedy healing.

Roger Waters has reportedly barricaded himself inside his home studio, surrounded by vintage megaphones and a life-size cardboard cutout of himself in 1973. Gazan sources say they hope he isn’t writing a 12 hour symphony as they have and are currently suffering enough.

The United Nations has not yet issued a statement, though insiders say a humanitarian mission is being prepared to locate the missing activists. Their last known coordinates: moral ambiguity.

Sources say that Greta Thunberg feels she hasn’t gotten enough attention recently, and so she’s posted on Instagram that she and John Cusack will be launching a flotilla search and rescue mission. The boats will be sending both smoke and virtue signals.

Friends and fans are asked to keep them in their thoughts during this difficult time. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to any organization that still remembers Israeli and Palestinian children deserve better.