Breasts

I studied the titillating Israeli headline, “Protestor Bares Breasts on Top of Giant Menorah.”

I was fascinated.

OMG—not in the Holy Land—not on a symbol of the nation.

What an act of defiance!

What demon possessed this young woman?

Quelle horror!

But before watching the video on YouTube, I closed my innocent eyes and pondered,

“Is it a sin for a married man to see the tits of a young Israeli woman as she sits on top of a menorah?”

As I have always said,”Where is a rabbi when you need one.”

“What effect will these bare-breasted images have on me when I light the candles on Hanukkah?

Thankfully, the media had covered these two offending objects from the public’s view.

My road to heaven rescued by some do-gooder with a Magic Marker.

Carefully, I listened to the commentator discuss the protestor’s behavior and I wondered:

Was she orthodox?

Was she a Sabra?

What will her mother and father think of their daughter’s proclivities?

What year had she made aliyah?

Had she already given birth to a child?

Had she served in the IDF?

Was she an American disguised as an Israeli?

How well-endowed was this mystery woman?

The video, nor the commentary, helped me resolve these issues but I doubted she was frum.

I thanked G-d that she didn’t go “Full Monty.”

I realized the possible effects of  such a shanda would have had on the body politic.

Would this act of frontal nudity have caused the government to dissolve?

Would there be a need for new elections?

I’d wait for the cabinet to meet to discuss the repercussions.

How would this act of belligerence effect Israeli-Arab relations?

I wondered.

But new thoughts crept into my brain, “Would the menorah have to be washed, scrubbed and re-blessed by a rabbi for it to be koshered?

Would this reblessing be captured on YouTube?”

As I scanned other YouTube videos, I asked, “Who would have thought that the mammary glands of a young female would cause such a stir in such an ancient land?

And I realized, that only G-d knows the answers to such mysteries.”

About the Author
South Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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