Calm during the Chaos: A Parent’s Guide

“Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.”

-Navjot Singh Sidhu

Free to use under the Unsplash License

Dearest Child of Mine,

Lately, our days have been filled with some really big sounds and hurried moments, haven’t they? The sirens, cell phone alerts, the loud noises, rushing quickly to our safe place – I know these things can feel really startling and, truthfully, quite scary. And my love, I want to share something personal with you: even as a grown-up, sometimes these sounds make my heart beat a little faster, and I feel worried too. It’s absolutely okay to feel scared, anxious, or even just confused. Your feelings are real, and I’m always here to listen and understand them, no matter how big they seem.

In times like these, it can feel like everything is out of our hands. And that is true, we cannot control when the sirens sound or what’s happening outside. Those are big, complicated things that many people are working hard on. But what we can always control is how we respond, and how we care for ourselves and each other.

It’s really important that we try to stay as calm as we can, even when we feel scared. Do you know why? When we’re really, really scared or upset, our brains sometimes get a little mixed up. It’s like our smart thinking brain takes a nap, and our alarm-bell brain takes over. This alarm-bell brain is super fast at getting us to safety, which is amazing! But it isn’t very good at thinking clearly or making calm decisions, like deciding what to do next or how to talk to each other kindly. When we practice calming down, we wake up our smart thinking brain again, allowing us the ability to make good choices, such as remembering our safe routine or knowing how to help each other. It helps us feel more in charge, even when things are uncertain.

So, how do we wake up that smart thinking brain? We have lots of tools! We can take those big, slow breaths together – remember, breathing in like we’re smelling our favorite flower, and blowing out like we’re blowing bubbles, making our tummies go up and down. We can also try counting backwards from ten, or naming five things we can see, four things we can touch, three things we can hear, two things we can smell, and one thing we can taste – that helps our brain focus on something else. We can squeeze a stress ball really tight and then let it go, feeling all the tension leave our hands. Sometimes, just humming a quiet song, or drawing how we feel on a piece of paper, can help too. And don’t forget the power of a really good cuddle! These are all brave ways we help our bodies and brains feel safer.

My promise to you is this: we will face these challenging times together. I will be here to listen to you, to hold you tight, and to practice our calming tools together. You are strong, you are brave, and you are so, so loved.

Remember, darling, our safe place isn’t just a room, but also the calm we find within ourselves. While we can’t stop all scary things from happening, we can always work on keeping our hearts and minds peaceful, and that’s an incredible gift we give ourselves.

With all my love,

Your [Mom/Dad]