Cannabis in Nanaland

No one doubted King JJ’s shrewdness. After more than a decade in power in Nanaland, his “citizens” were neatly divided into two groups, one that worshipped him for his uncanny cunning and one that hated him for same. The two groups shared two characteristics, one that they hated each other and the other that they feared King JJ, who found this situation, one he had carefully construed, quite satisfactory.

“There is money in this plant,” one of his trusted (aka JJ had the goods on him for crimes JJ had commissioned him to commit) advisors told him a decade back. JJ raised his silver (or was it blue that day?) mane, gave his photogenic smile of ironic condescension and replied, “I’m listening, but keep it short. How much money?” Well, “ mused the advisor, “Big Pharma, HMOs, tobacco, alcohol… not weapons but not small…”

In less time than it takes to smoke a less than average joint, Nanaland’s shrewd policy regarding cannabis had taken preliminary shape. A recently hacked private email server revealed the plan including – as is required in all Nanaland policies –  what headlines will be fed to the press and when. This blog accepts responsibility for making the document public, despite its enigmatic ending..

  1. Nanaland will keep the WAR ON DRUGS alive as long as possible. When it becomes useful to hide it it will be publically defunded but renamed and moved down the hall by no more than 100 meters. PRESS: Big announcement of defunding. STRATEGY: Put them to sleep (PTTS).
  2. Nanaland will allow a problematic professional to run a preliminary Medical Cannabis Program according no visible criteria. PRESS: Slow coverage, hesitant. Worry it will corrupt the youth (Socrates). STRATEGY: Possible personal discrediting (PPD).
  3. Uncle Shelly will fund “research” documenting dangers of legalizing Cannabis. PRESS: HEADLINES. STRATEGY: Socrates! Continuous mystifying justifying criminalization.
  4. Establish a pseudo-medical Nanaland Medical Cannabis Authority (NMCA). PRESS: a. Nanaland a world leader in medical cannabis. b. Circus – feed the press occasional headlines and ratings about how patients are upset. That will mask the overall strategy. STRATEGY: Absolute control: a. Overpay functionaries,  PPD if necessary, fly them all over the world bragging. b. Make cannabis activists believe that Nanaland works like the rest of the world, that medicalization will bring  legalization (PTTS). c. Pseudo-medical “criteria” (make up a name, say Article 613) that absolutely require extensive medical drug use before cannabis can be tried. d. Limit the number to under 40,000 patients. A noncritical mass when frustrated. e. Continuous criminalization alternating with “fines” that look like progress ( PTTS). f. Frustrating bureaucratic  rigamarole to keep reasonable physicians from applying for licenses. Keep communication with the NMCA nearly impossible. g. Occasional punishment of physicians raising questions regarding  scientific validity of Article 613.
  5. Secret investments in Big-Pharma making a patentable costly drug that will be “better” than the plant. PRESS: Blackout STRATEGY: usual Nanaland secrecy (UNS)
  6. Pseudo-rationalize the NMCA by training physicians who can issue “prescriptions” only on state-controlled computer according to pseudo-scientific Article 613. PRESS: HEADLINES. If protests, hide behind other breaking news (US refurbishes its embassy in Nanaland). STRATEGY: Keep announcing and backtracking (PTTS).
  7. REFORM to increase price of medical marijuana to ready the market for a costly medication. PRESS: “free market” bullshit. STRATEGY: Secret deal with HMOs to never cover treatment with the plant, ever. Justification: Not enough research.
  8. When the time is ripe for BigPharma, destroy the NMCA by treating cannabis like a medicine (“Reform”). Only low class weed available, according to CBD and THC and nothing else (pseudo-science). PRESS: Some ratings from big “protests” which are small because of limited numbers of patients. STRATEGY: A failed NMCA opens the way to “improvement” with a drug.
  9. Provoke cannabis activists to petition courts against the reform. PRESS: They get ratings. STRATEGY: Courts shmorts. Slander courts as potheads if necessary. Claim “democracy” that justifies all  laws because they are laws.
  10. Replace whole plant cannabis with expensive drug (about 500-1000 NLD) which HMOs approve. Enforcement of FINES. PRESS: Extensive SOCRATES campaign – the whole plant corrupts youth. STRATEGY: Successfully held 30-40,000 chronically disabled “citizens” as hostages to try the new drug. The Plant is of course still very illegal (even CBD oil), otherwise who in their right mind would take the medication.
  11. World-wide campaign that Israel medically supplanted dangerous plant with profitable medication, time to reverse legalization (funded by Uncle Shelly).
  12. A blog reporting this document will appear and be laughed at as paranoid.
About the Author
Alan Flashman was born in Foxborough, MA, and gained his BA from Columbia, MD from NYU, Pediatrics, Adult and Child Psychiatry at Albert Einstein. He has practiced in Beer Sheba since 1983, and taught mental health at Hebrew University, Tel Aviv University and Ben Gurion University. Alan has also edited readers on Therapeutic Communication with Children (2002) and Adolescents (2005).
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