Chayei Sarah: Sarah’s Eternal Glow

Sarah, our great Matriarch, dies. Her legacy is one for every one of us to carry along. First of all, we must address her beauty. She was taken by Pharaoh and Avimelech, meaning she was praised to be worthy for kings. So too must we address her piety, which Rashi astutely points out: “She was 100 just as she was when she was 20, just as there is no accountability for sin until the age of twenty, which means that there is no record of any; so too at the age of one hundred she had no record either.” The combination of beauty and piety is basically what we all want in our lives, spouses, and children, and this bar was set by our dear mother Sarah!

What is interesting is that last week we had the situation where Sarah laughed at the fact that she would become pregnant at the age of 89. Hashem considered this an offense on her part, but based on this week’s Rashi it wasn’t considered a sin (since she was clean, with no sin, at 100). This concept opens us up to a great and powerful topic.

First of all, we must never neglect our physical beauty in order to reach heights of holiness. It may not have to be our focus, but it sure is important. And even more, it is our dedication to being pure without sin that actually brings out our beauty even more. Beauty, to many, is translated as the physical appearance one was born with, basically, one of external features, but the beauty Sarah possessed and the one we are starving to obtain is of the internal kind. It is the removal of sin that actually brings that about.

What is sin? Well, the Gemara in Ketubot notes that boredom leads to sin. And in literal terms, the translation of “Aveira” means “crossing over” to the other side. As we spoke, there are two sides: the external and the internal. Once we leave the internal and instinctive realm, we move ourselves into the external and impulsive world. Crossing over means that we are no longer in the eternal state of mind; rather, we get sucked into the instantaneous fixes of pleasure. In other words, we become “junkies” for pleasure. Now that word alone already describes a certain look in everyone’s minds, and it ain’t a good one.

Boredom is standing on the fence. We have no reason to be inside or outside, so you tell me: “Which side has a greater influence on you, in or out?” We grow up seeing the world from the physical side of things, although, as children, we live with instinct. We can tell in an instant if someone is lying to us, and we don’t hide our feelings. On one hand we are true, internal people, but on the other we are being conditioned to want the sweet and shiny. This is how we end up in the predicament so many of us face in life, as we ask ourselves, “What do I want to do with my life? On one hand it would be so simple if I could prosper by pursuing my natural-born talents, but an artist can go an entire lifetime without ever being discovered!” Being on the fence seems to be a place most people have been at, and sadly, some don’t know how to unchain themselves from it.

Not knowing where to go and feeling scared to move forward keeps us in a place where we get nothing done. Each person may have their entire book of excuses as for why they can’t help themselves to a better life, and who is at fault, but in essence what is happening is that their time is being wasted. Wasted to boredom. But what should this poor thing do that it still wants to feel good about itself? Welcome to the external world on the “other side,” where all your amenities are taken care of. Side effects may include: digging a void filled with shame, guilt, regret, and… becoming a pleasure junkie. But the doorman opens the door with a wide smile and tells you, “Don’t be afraid, the water is warm in here!”

How miserable does one’s face become after spending a month in such a place, and how thirsty for desire and craving do they become until they look for it in every corner possible? Imagine a year or ten of such a life: “How much wine can a man drink until they have had enough?” Their entire reality becomes distorted and their mind only travels on one track; their lust is drawn on their eyes and their motivation is driven to madness. Their happiness becomes dependent on externals and the joys of innocence fade in their pursuit. Their beauty diminishes as they always try to outdo their God-given glow, all just for a little taste of pleasure they are too afraid to take from the inside of the fence.

Sin and beauty are undoubtedly connected; they work hand in hand, and ultimately show on each person’s face. We know how we feel after we fall into the trap of the other side, and once we recognize that look we can start seeing it in people’s eyes all around us. It is sad that there are so many who are lost and don’t even know where to turn to, since they’ve never noticed the pattern in their life and don’t realize how it all came to pass. And even more, they are so stuck that they don’t even know to ask the question. The four children we read about in the Haggadah are in essence adults, but it’s their child that needs to learn to ask the right questions. And maybe this is why we say, “At Ptach Lo,” in the feminine form (not “Atah…”), since we are referring to Sarah, the one who teaches us how to be beautiful forever.

Keep yourself from sin and you will surely seek out the proper pleasures in life. We are seekers of goodness by nature. As babies we cry for food and for a clean set of pampers; we know what we need and we don’t stop until we get it. We have to go back to that first treat, that first lollipop we had that opened up our eyes to the “other side” and told us that we can find goodness elsewhere. It is the illusion of physicality that has us caught in its clutches. We have to go back to that time and remind ourselves who we were when we were 7 years old, so that we should come to our deaths and say, “Kulam Shavim Letova”, they were all equally good!

With our dedication to success and an obsession to our purpose we will come to identify our talents pretty quickly. We will soon find the things that when we do them, time seems to fly by in seconds and we can’t seem to stop unless we are made to. Those passionate enough about finding true goodness will understand that there is truly One place to find it. Removing ourselves from the other side and actively pursuing pleasures that don’t just come by foot with a smiling doorman. It is a place where we must prove that we belong and we must fight every gifted moment of our lives to obtain it. Such beauty is seen from miles away, so far that people are drawn to that light from far and wide. Avraham came from Be’er Sheva to cry over his loss, and the entire country of Chet stopped working to mourn Sarah’s death.

This is the life of Sarah we speak of. We may have honest doubts sometimes like she had, but just imagine yourself after a month in such a place. Look at your face in the mirror and see the beauty you have attained. See the distance you came from the fence you once stood at and notice how far from sin you have gone. Yes, the fence keeps calling back; after all, we love visiting our childhood home, but remember Sarah: she stood steadfast with Avraham as Hashem said, “Lech Lecha,” leave this stagnant place and go to a place that you will be a blessing. Our mother Sarah’s beauty still shines today, and her lessons comfort us like it did to Yitzchok as he brought Rivkah into her tent, “and he loved her!”

Shabbat Shalom

David Lemmer

LemmerHypnotherapy.com