Mort Laitner

CNN, MS NOW and Bibi

“Moshe, do you know what happened when I tried to watch Bibi’s UN speech on CNN and MS NOW?”

“Yup,” replied Mordechai. “They weren’t streaming it.”

“That really pissed me off. I went ICBM ballistic. Livid, I cursed at my TV set. ‘May your children die of bubonic plague.’ They were broadcasting a couple of insignificant talking heads yammering about data centers and Mamdani while Netanyahu was speaking at the United Nations.

“I had to watch it on Fox—and you know how much I hate watching Fox. I can still remember viewing those other two networks for two hours a day. Between Morning Joe, Rachel Maddow, and Lawrence O’Donnell, I practically lived on those networks.

“And I loved those folks.

“But then came the Gaza coverage, the predictions that Kamala and Hillary were going to win, and three commercials for every minute of so-called news. Little by little, they lost me.

“And I wasn’t alone. Millions of viewers decided that their time was worth more than that. So they walked.

“Now I watch ABC World News Tonight on YouTube. Fewer commercials. Fewer talking heads. Fewer so-called experts. And fewer left-wing political commentary.

“And you know what I really love? Watching their ratings, revenue, and audience numbers go down the toilet. I love watching their demographics hit the floor.”

Mordechai jumped in, “I watched Bibi on Fox, and I thought he nailed it. Great theme. Masterful presentation. And even the Fox people said he nailed it.”

“Bibi must have taken a Dale Carnegie course when he was a kid. He has a way of making you feel like he’s talking directly to you.

“I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that speech gets Bibi elected.”

Mordechai shook his head.

“I agree that it was a powerful speech. But let’s not get carried away. If Bibi wins, you can’t say one UN speech did it. Elections are more complicated than that.”

“Okay, okay. But I’ll bet you ten bucks that CNN and MS NOW gave major coverage to the delegates walking out before Netanyahu began speaking.”

“Probably.”

“And did they explain how the Palestinian’s choreographed that scenario? By getting all pro-terrorist nations to pack their six seats and to walk out like snails on Thorazine.”

“And that’s their problem. Give me the whole story. Don’t give me thirty seconds of dramatic video and then three minutes of somebody yelling at somebody else.”

“So what are you going to do about this blatant injustice?”

“I don’t have to do any thing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. The marketplace will do it for me. If a network loses viewers, it loses advertising dollars. If it loses advertising dollars, executives start sweating. And when executives start sweating, somebody in a very expensive office starts asking very inexpensive questions:

‘Why are people leaving?’

“And that, my friend, is how television networks discover the First Law of Show Business and politics:

When you pick sides, you lose fans.
When you lose fans, you lose dollars.
And when you lose enough dollars, you go kaput.
”

Mordechai smiled.

“Well said, my friend.”

He raised his coffee cup.

“From your lips to Hashem’s ears.”

“And from Hashem’s ears,” said Moshe, “to the television ratings.”

They clinked their coffee cups.

And somewhere in New York, a television executive sneezed.

About the Author
Mort Laitner is a writer, storyteller, and lifelong observer of the wonderfully unpredictable human condition. His writing combines humor, Jewish wit, personal experience, and a healthy dose of curiosity about the rapidly changing world around us. A South Florida writer and longtime member of the writing community, Mort writes about everything from technology and artificial intelligence to Israel, Jewish life, aging, friendship, and the everyday absurdities of modern life. His stories often begin with a simple question—and then take the reader somewhere unexpected. Mort believes that good writing should make readers laugh, think, and occasionally say, “I never thought about it that way.” His work has appeared in The Times of Israel and in literary publications and anthologies. Whether writing about Moshe and Mordechai arguing over the latest news, an encounter with artificial intelligence, or the peculiarities of getting older, Mort brings his distinctive voice, humor, and humanity to every story.
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