Tim Lieder

Alan Dershowitz – More Insufferable than a College Student’s Twitter Account

For decades, Alan Dershowitz has cultivated an image as the celebrity attorney defender of Israel. He writes books with titles like Chutzpah and The Case for Israel. He has defended many high-profile clients; always ready for interviews and lectures. Jewish law students love him. Millionaire wife-murderers love him. Roman Polanski loves him. Khadijah Lynch probably doesn’t love him.

Who is Khadijah Lynch? She’s a student at Brandeis University with a twitter account. Even worse, she’s a Brandeis Junior who was not personally hurt and upset that two NYPD officers that she never met were murdered. In fact, she’s still more disturbed by institutional racism and the fact that black people can be killed by police officers without consequences. Like most twenty year old college students she has no tact in expressing such an opinion and her tweets sounded downright callous (pro-tip — the only time when it’s appropriate to use the phrase LMAO when discussing a person’s death is when that person is genuinely awful and his death is legitimately funny – like Qaddafi’s corpse in a shopping mall).

She certainly wasn’t acting like Alan Dershowitz, a man who helped to convince a California jury that the LAPD framed O.J. Simpson. Alan Dershowitz watched the NYPD funeral “with tears in his eyes.” Presumably, he was also tearing his garments, pouring ashes on his head and beating his breast. Then he used his position as one of the most famous lawyers in America to trash a twenty year old college student.

Like the rest of us, Khadijah Lynch has spent months reading about how Michael Brown deserved to get shot. She saw the video of Eric Garner being choked to death. She probably saw the video of the twelve year old boy playing with a toy gun shortly before being gunned down by trigger happy Ohio police officer, who will probably also face no consequences. In response, she stated that she didn’t care about two police officers getting killed. She also said that she hated this racist f—ing country. Gosh, wonder why. Furthermore, her twitter account is full of tweets like “Amerikkka needs an intifada”, thus proving that she is a fan of Ice Cube’s post-NWA solo career.

In other words, she is perfect for Alan Dershowitz’s self-aggrandizing bid to draw focus away from a racist legal system in general and his recent attempt to convince the courts to exonerate famous child-rapist Roman Polanski in particular.

Like all good lawyers, Alan Dershowitz is very good at changing the conversation. He succeeded where Fox News failed in finding a “Kill the Cops” story and he’s going to exploit it. Why talk about a corrupt legal system where incarceration rates are ridiculously high, black teenagers are unfairly targeted and police officers get away with murder when you can complain about an offensive Twitter feed? There is no way that Alan Dershowitz is going to discuss Systematic Racism when he can whine about Those Darn Leftist College Students.

Even better, Dershowitz didn’t even have to troll the Twitter feeds himself. He just waited for Daniel Mael to find offensive tweets and selectively use them for a reactionary news story. Consequently, Daniel Mael’s fellow college students think that he’s a jerk and troll. Thankfully, he has Alan Dershowitz, defender of Claus Von Bulow, O.J. Simpson and Roman Polasnki, to jump in and save him.

I must say I admire the fancy little dance that Dershowitz is stomping when he trashes a twenty year old college student for expressing an opinion, but name checks Don Sterling (who forbade his mistress to associate with black men) and Ayaan Hirsi Ali (who depicts Muslims as pedophilic Nazis) as speech martyrs. He even extrapolates a statement about getting a gun license as an explicit threat to take a gun to campus. Apparently, it’s not enough to quote offensive tweets. Dershowitz must also threaten his readers with the specter of a dangerous black woman exercising her Second Amendment Rights.

Thus in the last week of 2014, Alan Dershowitz, celebrity attorney with over fifty years of legal experience, has bravely stood up against a twenty year old with a Twitter feed. After failing to convince a Los Angeles judge that Roman Polanski has “taken responsibility for his actions, served his sentence” by spending 42 days in jail and then fleeing to the South of France, Alan Dershowitz has switched to the court of rightwing public opinion. So if you are a college student with a Twitter account and a propensity for tactless tweets, be warned. Alan Dershowitz is going to find you and he’s going to shame you. On the other hand, if you are a movie director who likes to drug and rape thirteen year old girls, don’t worry. Alan Dershowitz is totally on your side. As long as the prosecuting attorney is a Twitter account, your freedom is assured.

About the Author
Tim Lieder is a freelance writer who lives and works in New York City. He runs Dybbuk Press, an independent publishing house through which he has edited and published 9 titles including She Nailed a Stake Through His Head: Tales of Biblical Terror as well as King David and the Spiders from Mars.
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