Compassion and Homecoming

In discussions of leadership, compassion is often held in disdain. Dismissed as a sign of weakness that will be exploited by detractors and enemies, it is belittled as paltry sentiment at a time when rational and even cruel decision making is needed.

Most famously, Machiavelli advises, “I am sure every leader would wish to be seen as compassionate rather than cruel. . . A ruler must not worry about being labelled cruel when it is a question of keeping his subjects loyal and united; using a little exemplary severity, he will prove more compassionate than the leader whose excessive compassion leads to public disorder, muggings, and murder.” (The Prince, Chapter 17)

And no doubt that when a nation goes to war, the question of how to wield both cruelty and compassion becomes an existential matter  demanding  thoughtful, timely, and effective answers.

Ten months into the Hamas-Israel War, 111 Israelis are still held captive by the Hamas and their allies. Israeli intelligence sources suggest that 39 of that number are no longer among the living. The question of the policy necessary to redeem our captives is a matter of legitimate debate. However, because nothing good can be expected from the Hamas, the full onus of responsibility falls on Israeli leadership to do all that is possible to bring the hostages out of Gaza and home to Israel.

Regardless of the exact policies needed to liberate the hostages, a growing stack of interactions between Israeli leadership and the families of the hostages and of the fallen put on display a leadership whose behavior is harsh and heartless, and detached from the hearts and minds of the majority of Israelis.

In May 2024, Tzahi Hanegbi – National Security Advisor – berated and insulted families of the hostages at a meeting intended to update them regarding government policy around a possible  Israel-Hamas deal. Hanegbi shared that Israel would not end the war to reach a deal with the Hamas that would free the hostages. When the families reacted with painful disappointment and outrage, heated exchanges with Hanegbi resembled more a street argument in a crowded bus line than a meeting between a high ranking public official and traumatized citizens looking for both a small measure of understanding and more importantly reasonable answers about the future of their loved ones. As two women exited the meeting out of frustration and anger; Hanegbi taunted and scolded them.

In July 2024, MK Nissim Vaturi was among eight members of Knesset who sent a letter to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that they would not back the American backed proposal for the release of the hostages without major changes. When approached at the Knesset by members of the Hostages and Missing Families Forum to explain his position – an elected public servant being approached at the parliament by citizens – his aide attempted to prevent the filming of the interaction. MK Vaturi and his aide tried to grab a phone from the hands of one of the involved families. The families accused the pair of pushing and insulting them as MK Vaturi and his aide forcefully exited the scene. When Inbal Zach called after MK Vaturi that the hostages are starving, “There are 120 people who haven’t eaten or drunk for nine months, they haven’t seen the light of day.”

He did not stop to consider the dire circumstances or the suffering of those involved. MK Vaturi shot back, ““Did you eat this morning?” He continued walking.

Before PM Netanyahu visited the United States to address the joint houses of Congress, he met with the families of the female observation soldiers killed by the Hamas in the October 7th invasion and massacre. PM Netanyahu made the claim that he was ignorant of the fact that the soldiers stationed at the Nahal Oz base were unarmed or that warnings the fallen soldiers had passed on to their commanders regarding unusual Hamas activity along the border were unheeded. What can be said when ‘Mr Security’ claims that ten months following the Hamas invasion, massacre, and abductions that he did not know the basic facts that are available to anyone even casually following the ongoing flood of news since Simhat Torah 2023? He deflected responsibility onto the IDF and the various levels of military command. He also claimed to be ignorant of the fact that many of the families had received no visits or messages of condolence from MKs from the ruling coalition and from the government.

One of the parents present at the meeting commented, “I’ve been sitting at home for nine months. No one has come to us — not from the government or the Knesset… instead of saying, ‘Guys, we’re aware of you, of your existence,’” one participant said, while another added, “No one can come to our home? Nine months, they couldn’t knock on the door, [say,] ‘We made a mistake,’ ask for forgiveness?”

And if these are the examples of “leadership” exhibited by the highest echelons of Israeli officials, who can be surprised by those choosing to follow the examples of Hanegbi, Vaturi, Netanyahu, and others? Rav Ashi – founder of the Sura Academy and the pioneering editor of the Babylonian Talmud (4^th Century C.E) famously taught, “If mighty trees (cedars) have been felled by flames, what can be expected of the moss on the wall?” (Moed Katan, 25B). Or in other words, what can be expected of minor public officials and ordinary citizens when the so-called leaders of the nation behave in such a repugnant fashion?

In June 2024, at Jerusalem’s Paris Square, protesters calling for Israel to move to a deal that would liberate the hostages and for Israel to go to elections as soon as possible were met by an increased level of police hostility. One police officer was filmed calling to a protester, “I will rape your mother.” When asked to identify himself, the officer refused and again cursed the protester. What can be expected of the moss on the wall?

In August 2024, the families of the hostages and their supporters protested outside the home of MK Aryeh Makhlouf Deri. Shabbat marked 300 days since October 7^th. MK Deeri  – the head of the Shas political party – is an influential Netanyahu confidant and ally. In April 2024, MK Deeri said that the Israeli negotiating team working for the release of the hostages should not fly to Doha on shabbat as the hostage talks did not constitute a case of pikuah nefesh, a halachically sanctioned loophole permitting transgression of Shabbat in a case where life can be saved.

Some residents of the  mainly ultra-orthodox neighborhood came out to berate and curse the demonstrators. Water bottles were thrown at the hostages’ families. Among the calls hurled at the mothers, fathers, and siblings of the hostages were ‘leftist traitors” and “they are in Gaza because of you.” Public activity to bring the hostages home – the cardinal mitzvah of ‘redeeming captives’ is seen by some as subversive and traitorous. What can be expected of the moss on the wall?

Despite shabbat, there were neighborhood residents who came out to support the cause of the hostages, and among them those who prayed for their liberation.

Machiavelli – and members of the Netanyahu government – might respond to the stories above with dismissal. Israel is at war. Thousands have fallen. Tens of thousands are displaced. Entire areas of Israel are under threat. We are fighting a war on multiple fronts. And you are worried about tone and expressions of compassion? Tough decisions and harsh action are needed. There is no room for compassion and niceties.

In response, it must be said – although it seems self-evident – that compassion is not a nicety. Compassion is a necessity. If the slogan ‘B’Yahad Nenazeach’ (‘Together to Victory’) has any meaning, it must include a vision of what Israel is fighting to protect and cultivate. Revenge on the Hamas and the physical decimation of the Gaza Strip are not ends in and of themselves. The slogan plastered on car bumpers, on street posts, illuminated on the sides of buildings, hanging off people’s porches is only true if Israeli society talks a talk and walks a walk of solidarity. Compassion is a cornerstone of solidarity. Compassion is to solidarity like flour to bread. Recognizing the experience of another and identifying it as your own is the first stage towards solidarity. This is the affective stage – where emotion teaches us. Who among us can listen to the family of a fallen soldier, or the relative of a hostage, or a displaced family without feeling a crushing weight and a darkness crawl in?

However, the affective stage is insufficient. Compassion needs to be cultivated to the effective stage. The elected Israeli government is deaf to repeated results of polls showing that most Israelis have little faith in their leadership, and that most Israelis support the American sponsored framework to advance to a ceasefire and bring the hostages home. In the wake of a particularly heated meeting between the Prime Minister and Israeli security heads, an unnamed source was quoted about PM Netanyahu, “He has given up on the hostages.”

Maimonides famously instructs, “The redemption of captives receives priority over sustaining the poor and providing them with clothing. [Indeed,] there is no greater mitzvah than the redemption of captives. For a captive is among those who are hungry, thirsty, and unclothed and they are in mortal peril… “Save those who are taken for death.” (Proverbs 24:11)…. There is no mitzvah as great as the redemption of captives. (Mishnah Torah, Gifts for the Poor, Chapter 8)

Hard to understand how any Israeli leader knowing Maimonides’ words cannot tremble with the burden of our current hour, and act accordingly.

Even if it is possible to eradicate the Hamas, Israel faces an unprecedentedly volatile security situation. And even more importantly, although Israeli society has adjusted expectations to a narrative about enclaves of separate tribes, our future is bleak unless we can find the inner strength to look at each other as citizens and neighbors and find a way to live together. If the hostages are not returned home as soon as is possible; it will be a momentous fracturing of the Zionist promise. The promise that in this place we will build not only a refuge, but a home was shattered on October 7^th. The widespread inefficiency of the government to provide coherent, articulate, and effective strategies on both the military and civilian fronts throughout the war significantly reinforces the public’s growing sense of existential insecurity and anxiety. Liberating the hostages is a prerequisite for the families and for all of us. Let it begin with a new compassion. Let it result in families reunited so that the quickly approaching new year – and first anniversary of October 7^th – can help Israel begin the long march towards the decades of rebuilding ahead.

In the window between Tisha B’Av and Rosh Hashanah, speaking and acting with greater restraint and an additional measure of compassion is a small step contributing to a larger rebuilding. I do not believe in a messianic ‘Ahavat Hinam’ (‘Causeless Love’). It is a fashionable and largely empty chorus repeated often at this time of the year. Placing bets on messianic salvation has never ended well for the Jewish people. Let us begin with our words, and with extra attention to public civility. “Together to Victory” is only achievable if we begin to practice ‘togetherness.’ The more we practice, the better we will become; the closer that we will all be to coming home.