Count Up: 18 Days

Is it hitting you yet that we are leaving in 18 days

Count down the numbers
The hours
The moments
For this milestone
For making it all happen

Everything we talked about
And thought about independently
To make this move
To go up
But away from those still here
Who are grounded
In life work family

We are leaving but ascending
It feels selfish because it is
But being grounded can’t be all there is
There’s a sky for a reason
But will we be able to sustain the height and fly higher and higher
Or will we fall deeper in the ground than where we started from
We cannot know until we push off

It’s scary
Counting down
Counting up
Cheering and crying


We have convinced each other that this is logical
Because we see this space above and know what we can do
What we have to do

It’s hitting me- some days it feels like I hit an anxious nerve
What if I get lost?
What if I get hurt?
What if I cannot make it?
What if it’s meaningless
But then I remember to breathe
And think
What is the alternative


I think about them and research
And think where my peers are and will be
This is a new step in our lives
And I am a woman and 22 and this is what I have been planning and my last real chance to do it
With a garin
A family

I almost died on my way to the first interview and managed
To make it through the final three
Questioned and questioned
What are your intentions
And I know them
and I know I’m strong
You are too
But is it hitting you

About the Author
Nina is a recent graduate of Binghamton University with a Bachelors of Science in Human Development with a minor in Studio Art. She is passionate about working on and learning about social justice and mental health projects as an advocate and community organizer.