Curing the Common Shahid

Shahid, or meshugenus martyrus, as it is formally known, is an increasingly common disease caused by Jihad infection.

Spread virally through posts, tweets, and other social interactions, its results can be deadly if not curbed. Young Middle Eastern teenagers of Arabic decent seem to be particularly susceptible carriers.

Symptoms of Shahid can include sudden stabbings, accompanied by pain, bleeding, and shock. Consult your doctor if you feel like you’ve experienced a Shahid outbreak – left untreated, an attack can result in disability or even death.

There is good news, however:  an attack can usually be resolved with a a few well-delivered shots. Destroying the home of the virus has also proven effective at preventing the spread of the disease, but the medical community has been slow to adopt this revolutionary practice.

Until that time, you are advised to remain indoors and stay away from sharp objects.