Dear Moms: Will We Let Intimidation Decide Israel’s Election?
Dear gentle reader,
We need to discuss something many of us would throw ourselves in front of a bullet for: protecting our children. But this time we need to throw ourselves in front of something we’d rather avoid like the plague: politics. Hopefully it will just be two more days. Please stick with me, I promise there’s a crazy mom story in the middle ;).
When I was in tenth grade, I once called a doctor because a family member was in crisis. I thought that if the doctor knew to look, he would find the physical signs. Instead, he called that family member, who told him I was a liar and troublemaker. The doctor accepted their explanation without looking any deeper.
And I never tried again. And the crisis just continued.
It’s deeply discouraging when speaking up to “the helpers” changes nothing.
With all the chaos and stress of the past year, I told myself that this election cycle would be different. I wouldn’t get involved in politics. No public endorsements. No organizing community events with candidates. I’d vote, of course, and maybe dialogue on Facebook. But otherwise, I would stay out of it.
Why invite more bad feelings when speaking up seems useless anyway?
Then last week, I heard about reports that Davidi Ben Zion of Amcha had been pressured to withdraw from the race following a campaign of harassment targeting his wife and children in their community. I also read reports of a Tzibur Hacharedi candidate being threatened that his supporters’ children wouldn’t be allowed into certain schools if he didn’t resign.
The irony was hard to miss: parties promoting clean politics in Israel were among those being pressured to leave the race by their own political camps.
Some might say, “If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”
Since when did we decide that harassing a candidate’s children was excusable as “just politics?”
I could believe that unscrupulous politicians would stoop to this. What horrified me was the realization that communities full of people who personally know and respect these candidates would join in this intimidation or stand by silently.
And then it hit me.
I was one of those people.
The intimidation had worked on me, too. I had convinced myself that speaking up wouldn’t change anything and my neighbors would judge me, so why should I speak up about this election. Better to hide and wait for someone else to take the heat. Meanwhile, this leaves the candidates being attacked, the ones willing to challenge the status quo, with too little visible support. And little encouragement. Why should they keep showing up for us if we won’t show up for them? They must be asking themselves, too: Is any of this worth it? I know I, my family, and my friends are asking: Would putting up a banner or writing a public post really be worth the headache?
Then, this Shabbat, I think I got my answer.
A Jew doesn’t hurt another Jew.
This Shabbat, I broke up a hafganah in Beit Shemesh..
For real. That never happens. Even with the police there, these boys shouting “Shabbes!!” don’t back down.
I’ve tried to intervene in these demonstrations before and failed. Eventually, I gave up. For the past five months, I’ve avoided that “Shabbes!” demonstration corner because watching the chaos and destruction in my neighborhood continue unchecked was maddening.
But yesterday, this 5-foot-1 Jewish Korean mom cleared the corner. By herself.
The first traffic light in Beit Shemesh had been installed at this intersection. Shabbat afternoon, my neighbor and I heard shouting and went to see how the new light was faring with the “Shabbes!” demonstrators. Boys had stopped a car at the intersection and were throwing things at it. Same old, same old.
As I turned to leave, I noticed boys from my own community sitting nearby. One was holding a metal rod.
“You guys aren’t fighting them, right?” I asked.
No, no, they assured me.
Less than a minute later, they were fighting.
I turned around and started yelling in English: “Stop it! Get away from each other! Stop fighting!”
When I stepped between the two groups, my Hebrew finally kicked in.
“A Jew doesn’t beat another Jew!” And I just kept repeating it.
I turned to the boys from my community. “I know what they’re doing is wrong. But you do NOT hurt another Jew. Don’t be like them! I know it’s hard, but turn around and don’t fight!”
As they walked away, I told them, “Kavod lachem. This is very hard. You are doing what is right.”
Then I spun around to the Charedi boys. “You keep Torah and mitzvot. Then you don’t hit another Jew. You know that!”
The tallest boy was holding a broomstick across his chest, standing right in front of me.
“But they started!” he protested.
“I told them the same thing,” I said. “And they’re stopping!”
Another boy began yelling at me: “Chutzpanit! We don’t have to listen to you!” He threw a bag of garbage at me. Others joined in.
Then the tall boy with the stick turned to his own group and said, “Stop!”
He kept telling them to move away. As he looked back, I said, “Kavod lecha! Kol hakavod! Eizeh gever!”
I could not have been more impressed. Standing up to your own group is a big risk and takes courage.
My knees were shaking as I walked home. Me, the one these kids don’t mind yelling “shiksa at” cleared the corner. Even if only for ten minutes, the boys had stopped and listened: We shouldn’t be hurting each other.
We cannot kowtow to intimidators
That encounter brought me back to this election.
As a Jewish mother with a sense of history, I am furious watching Israeli political leaders, to whom we give the power and responsibility to help take care of 10 million citizens of our country, normalize silencing “the other!”
Since when did we accept silencing political rivals by intimidating their children? That sounds more like how our enemies maintain their control, no?
And if you’re thinking, “This is just politics.” Harassment campaigns and ostracism work only when people in the community participate in them or allow them to continue unchallenged. Political leaders have persuaded ordinary people to take part in their dirty work. The rest of us can descend deeper into our learned helplessness, or we can refuse. Dear Moms – our inner mama bear knows better. We want our kids to stand up against bullies. Not join the mob. Then so should we.
Last week, I realized I had been choosing the second: standing by silently because I didn’t believe I could make a difference. When had it ever “worked?” It’s just too big.
Well, apparently, thanks to this past Shabbat, I got my answer: Sometimes.
Three things we can do before the election
We do not need to agree on candidates. We don’t need to abandon our convictions. Or ask others to. If we want to clean up politics, we have to demand it both from the politicians we oppose and from those on our own side, too.
The best outcome of this election isn’t simply a victory for one political camp. It’s a coalition capable of restoring clean politics, responsible governance, and living up to its responsibility to take care of the people it represents – across all sectors. And I am encouraged.
Because that all begins with us. And we’ve all seen US be truly amazing over the past several years. Capable of remarkable strength and compassion for one another. And we are the ones choosing our next leadership. And that is truly encouraging. So, it’s late in the game, but let’s all give it one last push.
- Don’t be silent when you see intimidation.
One way: If you see a party or its supporters attacking, threatening, or trying to forcibly silence political rivals, speak up. Contact the party. Post publicly. Tag the people responsible. Say clearly: This is not how we want to be governed. A Jew doesn’t hurt another Jew. (Especially their children.) We stand up for each other.
- Support candidates who are committed to clean politics.
Support the candidates who are willing to challenge politics-as-usual from within your political camp. Their views and integrity will align with your own, and cleaning up politics will benefit us all. And consider letting them know how much you appreciate their efforts during the rough days ahead.
- Respect your neighbors’ right to vote differently.
Our different perspectives are not a problem to eliminate or silence. They are part of the checks and balances that help us make better decisions for a country of 10 million unique individuals. No political platform has all the answers, and no single set of policies will serve everyone equally.
Of course we will debate and disagree. But when we silence people who disagree with us or elect leaders who forcibly silence their opposition, we are effectively saying: If it works for me, I don’t care how it hurts you. People with dissenting opinions become enemies to defeat. Power is taken by those who can intimidate others into submission. This sows the seeds of extremism.
That will hurt all of us.
I know how easy it is to give up, to decide that speaking up is futile and that someone else will deal with the problem. I know because I did exactly that. And the problem grew.
But I also know what happened when I stepped between two groups of boys who had decided that hurting each other was acceptable.
One boy listened. Then others followed his lead.
We cannot influence every politician or every outcome of this election. But with all the characters running in this election, my inner mama bear said: “Together, let’s try. No more dirty politicians throwing my kids’ futures under the bus. It’s time to speak up and hang banners!”
Don’t let intimidators decide this election. Don’t let silence become our answer. Let’s remind ourselves of what matters most in this election: Taking care of each other.
—––––
And about that threshold question and not wanting to waste our vote:
With so many of us still undecided – I keep wondering how can the polls be accurate?
I started off this election cycle saying: I will vote for whichever party has the most projected mandates in the “Change” political camp. I started following the polls, then asked myself: how could the results be reliable when so many of us STILL don’t know who we’re voting for? So, this year, I will happily vote for the party that best reflects my priorities, regardless of whether they’re polling at the top or just near the threshold. Because I certainly don’t want inaccurate polls to influence this election either.
