Differences between Humanist and Orthodox Jewish Funerals

I was recently called upon to attend, in rapid succession, the funerals of two elderly friends, both conducted along humanist lines. The ceremony in both instances was prelude to a cremation and was held in a large hall with comfortable seating, adorned with flowers but conspicuously lacking any evidence of religious paraphernalia apart from, in one instance, an illuminated cross which formed a backdrop to the setting.

At one of these funerals, a large color slide of the deceased was projected onto the wall facing the mourners, while in both instances, photos of the deceased, both as a young person and at an advanced age, featured on the covers of brochures containing the order of service which were handed out to the mourners.

The presiding officer, or ‘celebrant’, as such people are called, led the gathering tastefully through a program of tributes focused entirely on the personality of the deceased. This included one or two humorous anecdotes which drew sympathetic laughter from the mourners. The music, mostly secular, had been chosen by the deceased or their relatives. We heard, for instance, songs by Simon and Garfunkel and Paul McCartney. Poems known to be liked by the deceased were also read aloud.

All in all, we were treated to a moving summoning up of associations to the deceased. God, when he did feature, was very much on the periphery, brought to mind only in one instance by a recital of The Lord’s Prayer. Nor was any mention made of life in the hereafter.

This contrasted strangely with my experience of Jewish funerals. In South Africa, the funerals I attended were mainly of the Orthodox variety. The whole process was conducted in Hebrew and was steeped in prayer and ritual. The deceased person was mentioned by name but otherwise no special mention was made of their life story, character, tastes or redeeming qualities. The culminating prayer was the Mourner’s Kaddish, usually recited by the eldest son of the deceased. Women took no active part in the proceedings.

Both types of funeral aim to give comfort to the mourner but the message in each case is very different. In the humanistic ceremony the mourner is reminded of the particular personality attributes of the deceased, while in the Jewish ceremony, comfort is given through the belief that, although the deceased, like all of humanity, is destined to be reduced to dust, there is a higher being capable of offering to the soul of the departed the prospect of eternal life. No such consolation is offered to the humanistically inclined mourner, who can only fall back on fond recall of the person who once was.

Who is to say which form of farewell provides a more lasting and peaceful resolution for the mourner? Perhaps it depends on a respect for the beliefs of the deceased.