As the president of one of America’s largest writers organizations, I have often been asked, “Mort, do writers make better lovers?”
I respond with a hearty, “How-the-hell-would-I-know.”
But now, through years of diligent research, I have determined that most writers are better equipped to handle the complexities of coitus than plumbers, doctors or Indian chiefs.
“Why?” you may ask.
Well, writers are complex beings, with complex egos.
They possess many attributes like:
- They’re adventurous bed partners. And as we all know, what happens under the covers is always one hell of an adventure.
- They’re creative. Kama sutra creative. Think of all those positions on that poster that hung in your dorm room. How you loved that poster. How you wished you were doing all those positions. Now reader, you’re trying to figure out what your favorite position is or was depending on your age. As you studied the poster you wondered, “Is that position even possible? Do you have to be a contortionist?” But did you know that creativity, saliva and Vaseline all grease the roads to pleasure. While repetitiveness leads to monotony and monotony leads to snoring and snoring leads to frustration. You get the point.
- They’re great communicators or at least some are. Authors are not afraid to say what’s on their mind. And when it comes to sex, that’s quite important. Remember authors invented flirting. Writers are good communicators because they study sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment. And as you are well aware, good verbal banter often leads to heated foreplay.
- They’re passionate. And passion leads to multiple “I love you(s).” And those three small words help achieve multiple you know what(s). Don’t forget that passion also leads to many more love letters, love notes, poems and Hallmark Valentines Day cards. Authors know how to go with the flow.
- Most writers love their partners unconditionally. This is a great attribute because nobody wants to hear, “Honey, you’re doing it wrong,” while they’re in the heat of passion. An author may write about your flaws and imperfections but he/she won’t bring them up while you’re under the sheets.
- Most writers are sexy and know how to walk the walk and talk the talk. Well, at least the ones that write romance novels or scripts for X-rated films.
- Most authors are romantics, especially the poets and the song writers. They obsess on the word “love” knowing that that word alone acts as an aphrodisiac.
So if you want to be more proficient in your lover’s arms, become a writer.
Become the writer/lover you always wanted to be.
You won’t regret it.
The skill or talent of a writer doesn’t inherently correlate with their abilities in bed. Writing is a creative pursuit that requires a different set of skills and attributes than those involved in intimate relationships. While some writers may possess qualities such as empathy, sensitivity, and imagination that could potentially enhance their interpersonal relationships, it ultimately depends on the individual and their personal qualities, experiences, and efforts in cultivating healthy and fulfilling relationships. So, being a good writer doesn’t necessarily translate to being good or bad in bed; it’s more about the individual’s attitudes, communication skills, and willingness to connect with their partner.—Chat GPT