Ekev: Everyone Has A Path

ery person with their own nature has to face their personal obstacles in life. A person struggling with weight will always be self conscious about themselves; while walking down the street, while taking another cookie, or even just looking in the mirror. The thought of being on the heavy side gives them emotional stress that they now have to contend with throughout life. The criticism they hear from others, and the negative judgment they feel coming their way, they all force this person to mold themselves in a way that they can deflect all of the shots being fired toward them.

The same is with a tall person, who also gets snarky remarks, like, “How’s the weather up there?” or “Have you been drafted to the NBA yet?” and of course, “Can you get me something from the top shelf?” You see, just the body type of a person already determines a certain learning curve for them. They have to learn how to take these comments in stride, and if they become offensive, learn how to deal with them. Some people in these categories will go on a self-deprecating tour for many years of their life, they’d choose to be the butt of the jokes just so they can be valued, or at least feel valued within their surroundings. While some will learn how to accept the words of others for what they are, another person’s opinion. Either way, through their circumstance they learn to build the character they are known as.

Now, let’s take a person who seems to be “normal.” They don’t stand out for their height, weight, or anything out of the ordinary. They are simple and average in most ways. What things do they have that form their character? The overweight and tall people have battles set up for them which can help them become better and stronger, but what does the average person have to contend with that’ll make them want to become better? It is clear that we must face resistance in order to grow, otherwise it wouldn’t be a challenge to reach the top, if there even were one. The goals have to be visible but still attainable only through hard work. And if the goal is to be the best version we can be, what adversity will we have to overcome in order to grow into that goal?

Here comes the difference between those who naturally stand out to those who don’t. The overweight, tall, short, smart and dumb people have an advantage that they have their work cut out for them, while the average person needs to take certain steps and risks in order to face the sharpness of life so that they can become the man they wish to become. And that is the tricky part. Some will go about the clean and green path, taking risks in business and adding layers of responsibility to themselves, like family and spiritual goals. They will face resistance in those areas and that’ll help them shape their character.

But then there are those who will get themselves into trouble, all the while searching for their character building resistance. They create problems that they now have to face and solve, but in many cases the pain is worse than the benefit. As the saying goes, “If you’re already worrying about your financial status, why not take on some more debt which can turn into profit?” Why should we go and destroy things and then worry about fixing them, it is so much rather to create and worry about making it even better. If we’re looking for character building exercises, it would be much greater to do it from a place of building and creativity than to approach it from a place of loss and destruction. But, many times we get fooled into certain traps and we only wake up after the crash.

Either way, it is now up to the person to make a Mensch out of themselves. It doesn’t matter from where they start and how much they have to correct in order to move forward, the work for everyone is cut out, and that is to “Become a better person!” Yes, each person from their own position will have to contend with their own battle, but as the other saying goes, “The way you made your bed, that’s the way you’ll sleep in it.” 

We all have our shortcomings and things we feel judged for. Much like the clearly visible fat person can’t hide their problem, physically average looking people (and obese people as well) can’t hide their shame in their personal growth in life either. We can hear their words and read between the lines, we see what pulls their attention and what brings a smirk to their faces. Those subtleties throw hints to the observer and can many times be criticized, destructively or constructively. 

Although we should not live based on what other people think about us, it is important for us to be our own critic and to hold ourselves accountable to our goals. We must verbalize where we are headed to and keep ourselves on track. And when things are looking up we must remember where we came from and what actions we took to get ourselves to this place, and to not neglect any of them. Just the opposite, it is important to hunker down and add some more responsibilities when we feel like we have room to breathe. Life is about the challenge, since without it, who are we?

This is the same with every relationship. Our character development is simply our relationship with ourselves, which translates into our connection with Hashem. But the same is with a wife, a child, a friend, and so on, as long as we keep the relationship exciting and challenging we will end up with a character beyond our wildest dreams. Each person knows that there is a great level of love they wish to reach with their spouse, but instead of focusing on that eventual dream, it is important to build character through the resistance at every step. Much like a child who wants his lego castle to be his source of pride showing itself off from the shelf, in order for that goal to be realized he must work on building one piece at a time. Focus does not mean focusing on the goal, it means enjoying what you are doing now. The kid must enjoy the work of each block, and he should appreciate the progress he’s made. And although the goal seems far, it is through the process that the goal will be achieved.

“Vehaya Ekev Tishmaun, and it’ll be as a result of your listening.” The biggest component to a person’s life is their ability to listen and pick up the hints. As a person opens up their ears and wakes up to the reality of the world, they realize that life goes by real fast, and the older we get the smaller the entirety of history becomes. It is about the current moment and the choice we have in it, and the choice we choose is one of betterment. Some of us have their work cut out with their physical appearances, while some in more hidden places, but no matter what, it is Hashem Who has orchestrated every person with their own life. And with our development we come to receive all the blessings we are promised as we reach our goal and enter into the promised land.

Shabbat Shalom

David

LemmerHypnotherapy.com